Jul 20, 2023

To:seanyori

I think you have an almost perfect balance between descriptions and character interaction. A lot of time in my own story, I fell into rambling about the scene and describing its every detail and forgetting to let the characters take the spot light... I think I have been improving but I feel like reading your story would help me learn even quicker, excited for more!!

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Jul 20, 2023

The set up is really nice, and with Minoru's confusion and nostalgia mix together is pretty funny.
And I really like you're way of description, a few hundred words just explaining and describing the environment, like seeing from the characters eyes, brain completely empty, no thoughts or speeches to disturb the scenery. Most stories I've been reading lately have been dialogue focused making this feels even more wonderous.

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Jul 20, 2023

I miss having bamboo shoots… I was supposed to get some a few months ago when they were in season, but then summer rolled in and its 37 celsius outside, and me being deadly allergic to heat and humidity chickened out and hid back in my hobbit hole, now I deeply regret it

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Jul 20, 2023

Really don’t know what my brain is telling me to feeling reading this, started off with death with a somewhat monotone feeling, then a long section of emotionless mixed with lost and ended with a more lighthearted moment with Saki and Minoru. The only thing I know for certain is that I wanna keep reading into it

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Jul 11, 2023

it would be awkward if Mia's dad decided to check on her, right when Roki finished comforting and her dad just hear curses and yells about him from his daughter at a distance. It's probably extremely unlikely but I feel like Roki somehow has a way of attracting these odds.

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Jul 08, 2023

Can’t believe Roki actually passed the torch to the cat boy. Even after he told himself “Mia is Mia”, I didn’t think he had the courage to do it. Wish there’s a bit more into what he was thinking to himself at that moment though…

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Jul 07, 2023

A mad Claire is something I would never want to face, glad Roki manage to dodge a bullet there.

And maybe the culprit is that person Claire thinks is also manipulating fate but decide to ignore for some reason. Just saying someone with Claire level of magic really should be the first one to be considered even if it's only a hypothesis lol.

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Jul 03, 2023

I really like how you make up a unit instead of using one from our world, it makes the world seems expansive with simply details like this.

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Jul 01, 2023

Well at least Roki didn't straight up firebolt the catboy in the face...

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Jun 30, 2023

I really like festivals and holidays in fantasy, having a calendar can really spice up the world
And now roki had learned magic and I’m really excited that a magic system had been introduced even if the only mechanic is a verbal component in the casting, hope you would expand it even more!
I wish him best of luck with the harvest and to not royally screw things up by playing with magic at the worst time possible

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Jun 30, 2023

Nice to see the world building is starting to kick off with rumors and a second settlement, some semblance of a map is already forming in my head

But after getting into elder scrolls lore, seeing this amount of elf worship is… strange to say at least

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Jun 27, 2023

Maybe it’s just me not reading as much as I should, but I feel like classic fairy tale elements like witches hut aren’t used as much anymore, it feels refreshing.
And the soft magic Madam Claire use, just pulling things outta thin air, shapeshifting and teleporting is just trying to get the world builder in me to think of ways to break the magic system

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