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kazesenken

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A random truck-kun appears bearing gifts of isekai!

registered at: Sep 27, 2019

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aaa

Jul 11, 2021

I definitely find the flow and your dialogue to be the main star of this writing. That being said, it does feel like you skimp on the worldbuilding, which leaves what is going on around the characters a bit empty. If it were a manga, that would be the equivalent of having only your main characters of focus drawn, but nothing in the background. Which if it was a manga, someone could just fill in for you.

BLOODY BAT ROMEO

Chapter:2

Jul 11, 2021

I really like how personal the writing feels. It makes me connect really well with the MC. I find myself feeling for him a lot.
Still, I think you could do a little more on the disconnects. His actions still feel a little to grounded in reality, rather than the other existence that he was for 18 years. What I mean by that is that he lacks some of the subtle motions and instinctive gestures/thoughts that he would be more used to doing. Kind of like how Kirito from SAO keeps trying to clip his sword behind his back. That kind of thing. Also, there were a few paragraphs that were a bit run on. Try not to let it get too long. Tiresome on the eyes.

The Hero Who Returned Remains Traumatized in the Modern World

Chapter:2

Jul 11, 2021

Well, shit just got real.

REALM ASSASSIN

Chapter:4

Jul 11, 2021

That means a lot to me that you think that it feels well written and like real LN. Thanks for reading! ❤️

Why Kill? When Witches Can Be Tentacled!

Chapter:4

Jul 10, 2021

I like the pacing of the action. And the little bit of mystery as to what the shiz is going on is keeping my attention. Hope we found out soon where this leads.

A Whisper in Scarlet

Chapter:2

Jul 10, 2021

To:Pearlyn.M

Snazzy hug plush pillows, soon to be for sale! (not really) :P

Why Kill? When Witches Can Be Tentacled!

Chapter:4

Jul 10, 2021

To:Hades

Thanks! My intention was to upend a dreary situation with humor, and to have the two vastly different characters compliment each other as they faced challenges.

Why Kill? When Witches Can Be Tentacled!

Chapter:1

Jul 09, 2021

To:Gurg

Great that you had fun! I'll try to make sure I deliver!

Why Kill? When Witches Can Be Tentacled!

Chapter:3

Jul 09, 2021

To:AuthorAtish

Success!

Why Kill? When Witches Can Be Tentacled!

Chapter:2

Jul 09, 2021

To:znf

Yes, too often, authors in LNs will just start with the person being summoned (I did the same for my first novel). A lot of it is because they don't feel like bothering with a backstory for the MC. The MC in isekai are often faceless people that the reader can self-insert into. I personally would rather have a well-described character, and not make the reader think that this was just another "wish fulfillment isekai".

Why Kill? When Witches Can Be Tentacled!

Chapter:3

Jul 08, 2021

Okay. Seriously. This is the most fun I've had reading a story out loud in a while. Now, my wife probably thinks I'm a little crazy, but your story did that to me. Take your damn likes for getting me riled up!

Zero.

Chapter:5

Jul 08, 2021

To:Pearlyn.M

Thanks a bunch! I actually haven't watched Parasyte, but I've seen plenty of the mysterious being stuck on person scenes, lol.

Why Kill? When Witches Can Be Tentacled!

Chapter:3

Jul 08, 2021

To:Deleted User

hahaha.... *looks at script* uh.....

Why Kill? When Witches Can Be Tentacled!

Chapter:3

Jul 07, 2021

I wonder what plans Ven has with that gilder. What is that anyways? Not familiar with the coin denominations in this. Guessing that it's probably based on something irl.

A Whisper in Scarlet

Chapter:1

Jul 07, 2021

To:Bubbles

Thankies, Bubs. Looking back over it, I probably did get a little too into explaining his background, but some of it will come into play as Snazzy is actually quite capable. Just not by standard definitions of society.

Why Kill? When Witches Can Be Tentacled!

Chapter:2

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