May 16, 2025
To:lolitroy
Nice, great, amazing, this is the kind of stuff that I need, thank you very much.
Yes, I agree completely on the flaws and I'm already working on improving upon them in future stories(whether I'm successful or not remains to be seen). At the end of the day, most of the flaws in this story were a result of one big story writing mistake: I was greedy and tried to cram in too much in a relatively short story, which is the reason for so much underdeveloped plots and characters, and even some of the core problems in the prose can be attributed to this(though most of the prose mistakes are still me being a novice at writing)
And I'm also very very happy about the praise on the good points of the story. You are the first person to comment on my "empathetic" portrayal of characters and their motivations. It is something that I'm very proud of, because I always try to make every single character have some real purpose behind their actions. Even Tina, one of the most "cartoonish" villains, had a background on how she became like that, and she genuinely thought she was in the right when condemning Hoshina. But once again, there was so much stuff to address I was unable to give her presence in more than 2 chapters.
In the end, I'm very glad that some people see real potential in this, because it means that once I address my amateurish mistakes, I can start creating really great stories… eventually... (I'll probably continue fumbling for a few more years, but meh, I'm still young)
