Cashew Cocoa / Comments

Cashew Cocoa

Just a writer for fun. Been doing my private scribbles for over a decade and it was time I started writing for a public.
You can find my Discord account in the HF server if you want to chat. I'm open to feedback or just discussing my stories in general.

registered at: Mar 05, 2025

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aaa

May 11, 2025

The exposition was definitely heavier this time, but it was also necessary. You did a good job at writing the scene in a way that it first sparks our interest with a short sentence like 'I don't know who or what chooses demons to be evil', and then gives us the answer when we have a reason to care about it.
But for some reason I'm feeling weirdly skeptical about demon kidnapping Reem. I don't remember what you said on the discord other than that you struggled giving them chemistry, but if he just kidnapped her on a whim without a strong plot related reason then… well, let's not make assumptions yet. I could be proven wrong as soon as the next chapter starts, so for now I'll resist the urge to keep on blabbering.

if the moon forgets to smile

Chapter:2

May 11, 2025

As others have said, your writing oozes personality. It's amusing, funny, and makes this typical and slow intro scene into a very interesting one because of how much of an opinion it carries.
You also somehow managed to weave a joke into every piece of exposition that I noticed, which is a great way to make us eat it up like it's candy when it's usually the most bitter part of an intro.
But I do need to say that the simple quotes in the 'A demon'(...)'Going to eat me?' part confused me and it took me a minute to fully understand what was happening in that exchange. I guess they are the way you convey thoughts, and once I get used to them I shouldn't have trouble with it.

if the moon forgets to smile

Chapter:1

May 11, 2025

To:Moon

Moon! I'm honored to have you checking me out, thanks.
And yeah, I definitely need to do some research on proper dialogue tagging cause you aren't the first(and probably won't be the last) commenting on it.

The waste where silver gods lie

Chapter:1

May 10, 2025

To:lolitroy

Correct.
I went too fast, crammed too much stuff and disregarded much of the world in favor of the characters instead of striving for a bit more balance.
The characters were by far the thing I cared the most about, but I failed to realize that, if I explored a bit more on the world, that would actually allow me to improve upon the characters by giving more breathing room between the setup of a character related conflict and it's resolution.

The waste where silver gods lie

Chapter:17

May 10, 2025

Short, creepy and interesting.
A great use of 20ish minutes.
Very good work, Kaze.

If You Are Still Reading This...

Chapter:4

May 10, 2025

After the water and the "last chance to turn back" I know I would have definitely ran away from the place if this was IRL.
But that would make for an anti-climatic ending, so instead I'm still reading, believing I'm safe behind the screen of my computer.

If You Are Still Reading This...

Chapter:3

May 09, 2025

To:Ashley

I really appreciate your positive vibes, Ash, they are a great source of motivation. However, I must not turn a blind eye to the imperfections of my story. As important as it is to keep myself motivated with positive feedback like yours, I must also keep in mind the things that I can improve so that every next thing I write is better than the previous.
Still, I'm perfectly content if all you have to say to me are positives, as I already have enough sources of harsh but fair criticism that helps me point out my flaws.

The waste where silver gods lie

Chapter:13

May 09, 2025

This is very interesting, yeah. And I like the prose and metaphors quite a bit.

If You Are Still Reading This...

Chapter:1

May 09, 2025

To:lolitroy

😲

The waste where silver gods lie

Chapter:11

May 09, 2025

Personal opinion, but I would've liked a bit of a more explicit ending, an additional, more direct scene that gave me enough reasons to cry. I actually expected to have all the MCs watching from the tokyo penthouse as mount Fuji went in flames or something. Or at the very least I expected them all to be together and hold hands as the lava approached until it all faded to black. Once again, this is just my opinion, but I think there was a missed opportunity for a bit more tears.