Cashew Cocoa / Comments

Cashew Cocoa

Just a writer for fun. Been doing my private scribbles for over a decade and it was time I started writing for a public.
You can find my Discord account in the HF server if you want to chat. I'm open to feedback or just discussing my stories in general.

registered at: Mar 05, 2025

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aaa

May 14, 2025

"Are you unhinged?" counter: 2

if the moon forgets to smile

Chapter:7

May 13, 2025

To:lolitroy

Oh, yeah, now that I look at it after a while, I see how it can be confusing, crap.
So, ch29 was when Kaji and Hoshina reunited after spending a day back in each of their islands. Chs 30-33 was a bit of a flashback of how Hoshina spent that day. Then, from ch34 onwards we are back to the present, after Kaji and Hoshina met back following that first day in their respective islands.
Sorry for the confusion, I really didn't realize how disjointed some parts of my novel were until now. The more distant the novel becomes for me, the better I can see it's imperfections.

The waste where silver gods lie

Chapter:35

May 13, 2025

This chapter forced me to take out a google doc and write down the names, but other than that I didn't get lost(I think).
At least you waited until ch6 to rapid fire introduce 5+ names. I had around 9 names by ch3, so my sin is a bit heavier.

if the moon forgets to smile

Chapter:6

May 12, 2025

To:lolitroy

I won't deny it—I'm guilty, Your Honor.

The waste where silver gods lie

Chapter:26

May 12, 2025

To:lolitroy

I think I'll just lower my brain input and focus on enjoying the shenanigans instead of trying to find ways to analyze a story that doesn't really fall under the categories of writing that I'm used to.
I'll limit my comments to chill or funny remarks, and only go in deeper when something really stands out to me.

if the moon forgets to smile

Chapter:4

May 12, 2025

"Are you unhinged?" Sionn, I could ask you the same question for different reasons.
Also, Lolo, remember when I said that your style oozes personality? Now I'm starting to think it overflows with it, and it's a bit overwhelming for me. It's a style so different from what I know that the more I read the less confident I am about being able to give you some actual feedback, as it feels like my values might not apply very well here.
But what I can reiterate once again is the fact that it isn't boring, which is kind of a universal requirement for any decent story.

if the moon forgets to smile

Chapter:4

May 12, 2025

Their interactions are amusing, as unhinged as they are, and I just saw the comedy tag in the genres, which in addition to the explanation about why she got kidnapped, makes many pieces fall into place.
Other than that, I'll try to wait a bit before saying more on the characters themselves, because it's still early to draw conclusions.

if the moon forgets to smile

Chapter:3

May 11, 2025

The exposition was definitely heavier this time, but it was also necessary. You did a good job at writing the scene in a way that it first sparks our interest with a short sentence like 'I don't know who or what chooses demons to be evil', and then gives us the answer when we have a reason to care about it.
But for some reason I'm feeling weirdly skeptical about demon kidnapping Reem. I don't remember what you said on the discord other than that you struggled giving them chemistry, but if he just kidnapped her on a whim without a strong plot related reason then… well, let's not make assumptions yet. I could be proven wrong as soon as the next chapter starts, so for now I'll resist the urge to keep on blabbering.

if the moon forgets to smile

Chapter:2

May 11, 2025

As others have said, your writing oozes personality. It's amusing, funny, and makes this typical and slow intro scene into a very interesting one because of how much of an opinion it carries.
You also somehow managed to weave a joke into every piece of exposition that I noticed, which is a great way to make us eat it up like it's candy when it's usually the most bitter part of an intro.
But I do need to say that the simple quotes in the 'A demon'(...)'Going to eat me?' part confused me and it took me a minute to fully understand what was happening in that exchange. I guess they are the way you convey thoughts, and once I get used to them I shouldn't have trouble with it.

if the moon forgets to smile

Chapter:1

May 11, 2025

To:Moon

Moon! I'm honored to have you checking me out, thanks.
And yeah, I definitely need to do some research on proper dialogue tagging cause you aren't the first(and probably won't be the last) commenting on it.

The waste where silver gods lie

Chapter:1

May 10, 2025

To:lolitroy

Correct.
I went too fast, crammed too much stuff and disregarded much of the world in favor of the characters instead of striving for a bit more balance.
The characters were by far the thing I cared the most about, but I failed to realize that, if I explored a bit more on the world, that would actually allow me to improve upon the characters by giving more breathing room between the setup of a character related conflict and it's resolution.

The waste where silver gods lie

Chapter:17

May 10, 2025

Short, creepy and interesting.
A great use of 20ish minutes.
Very good work, Kaze.

If You Are Still Reading This...

Chapter:4

May 10, 2025

After the water and the "last chance to turn back" I know I would have definitely ran away from the place if this was IRL.
But that would make for an anti-climatic ending, so instead I'm still reading, believing I'm safe behind the screen of my computer.

If You Are Still Reading This...

Chapter:3

May 09, 2025

To:Ashley

I really appreciate your positive vibes, Ash, they are a great source of motivation. However, I must not turn a blind eye to the imperfections of my story. As important as it is to keep myself motivated with positive feedback like yours, I must also keep in mind the things that I can improve so that every next thing I write is better than the previous.
Still, I'm perfectly content if all you have to say to me are positives, as I already have enough sources of harsh but fair criticism that helps me point out my flaws.

The waste where silver gods lie

Chapter:13

May 09, 2025

This is very interesting, yeah. And I like the prose and metaphors quite a bit.

If You Are Still Reading This...

Chapter:1