Ivory-of-Phosphoros / Comments

Ivory-of-Phosphoros

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I hath no fingers, it falls off and turned into mosiac.

And John Cinema appear before me.

registered at: Jul 12, 2025

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aaa

Nov 19, 2025

What???? What happened to the structure?

LiCangTian

Chapter:2

Nov 19, 2025

Just a tiny correction, but a little ',' at the "Then," isn't grammatically correct.

Although, it is decent, and I can tell that you can improve in alot of ways. So here's this: the beginning sentence is weak. The dialogue is all-right, but it needs better connection, and be interesting.

The ending is great. I guess.

Nonetheless, I didn't see anything in chapter 2 just yet. So, you might improve beyond this, as this is just chapter 1.

Good day and don't take this as an objective fact.

LiCangTian

Chapter:1

Oct 16, 2025

Ahem, I'm ganna gut you for this one, sorry mate. The chapter has a lot of redundant phrases and redundant description that isn't needed.

For example: "his skin was like an ancient sultan." (so that means he has brown skin, because all sultan's are brown).
And after that paragraph, here's this: he has tanned skin.

Yeah, that's all and it is bothering me. Good day lad.🧐

When I bought That Suspect Baroque Closet and Lamp, I Didn't Expect to Be a Mundane Wizard for the Demon Prince of Another World

Chapter:4

Oct 16, 2025

Huh, a romance? Didn't know it is a romance or a hunt of roamce, according to my memory in the first chapter.

When I bought That Suspect Baroque Closet and Lamp, I Didn't Expect to Be a Mundane Wizard for the Demon Prince of Another World

Chapter:3

Oct 16, 2025

Never knew he has a deep voice. I apologise if I actually miss a detail in the first chapter.

When I bought That Suspect Baroque Closet and Lamp, I Didn't Expect to Be a Mundane Wizard for the Demon Prince of Another World

Chapter:3

Oct 16, 2025

To say it kindly at the second chapter, I find it to be quite lackluster due to the very telling dialogue when the main guy get shock to death or close to death. Nonetheless, I like the ending of that chapter, it has a great hook on my testicles.

When I bought That Suspect Baroque Closet and Lamp, I Didn't Expect to Be a Mundane Wizard for the Demon Prince of Another World

Chapter:2

Oct 16, 2025

Didn't know drab is an actual word.

When I bought That Suspect Baroque Closet and Lamp, I Didn't Expect to Be a Mundane Wizard for the Demon Prince of Another World

Chapter:2

Oct 04, 2025

My god, the main character actually died? Huh. Alright. That's interesting.

KNOW Salvation

Chapter:2

Oct 04, 2025

The first chapter were fine. The first paragraph is important to introgue the reader and all other text must follow suit in someway and keep on delivering in each sentence and paragraph.

It could've be better, but that's fine. You did your best and I like it. Although, if I was a little younger, I wouldn't read past the first paragraph like an unreasonably harsh father who has bigoted their son.

Good day.

KNOW Salvation

Chapter:1

Oct 04, 2025

There were… spelling mistakes but thats fine. Even though you use incorrect words, thats fine.

The start isn't that great, but it still is fine. Hope you succeed in someway on your writing.

When I bought That Suspect Baroque Closet and Lamp, I Didn't Expect to Be a Mundane Wizard for the Demon Prince of Another World

Chapter:1

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