Nov 19, 2025
Just a tiny correction, but a little ',' at the "Then," isn't grammatically correct.
Although, it is decent, and I can tell that you can improve in alot of ways. So here's this: the beginning sentence is weak. The dialogue is all-right, but it needs better connection, and be interesting.
The ending is great. I guess.
Nonetheless, I didn't see anything in chapter 2 just yet. So, you might improve beyond this, as this is just chapter 1.
Good day and don't take this as an objective fact.