Jul 08, 2021

Man's trying to explain how to keep herself alive but she can only think about why she's was built with such a huge rack instead. Now that's characterization.

This is unironic. That is actually super good characterization.

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Jul 08, 2021

To:Pearlyn.M

Thank you thank you! I'm not used to writing fighting scenes, so I'm glad it all meshed cleanly. I'll keep it up!

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Jul 08, 2021

I don't know what to say. It's... exactly a light novel story. (Kidding)
It's got a great setup, with stellar characterization through dialogue. There was wasn't much direct description, if any, and really, but wasn't needed in such a solid setup. I got a great feel for how all the characters looked and acted, purely by how they interacted with each other.
I think the start is good simple fun, but also sets up a clever premise that could go in any number of directions and still be entertaining. You've won me over. I'm totally keeping up with it.

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Jul 08, 2021

To:Bubbles

Most in depth feedback I've gotten so far! I'll be sure to keep an eye on repeats, as well as see if I can improve the flow of dialogue as well. Thanks thanks!

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Jul 08, 2021

To:Unagen

Seems dialogue being a little confusing is a theme. I'll work on it. Thank you!

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Jul 06, 2021

To:Daisonia

It was part of their original agreement to send him back, but maybe I didn't make that clear enough. I'll see about conveying it better in the future. Thanks!

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Jul 06, 2021

To:kazesenken

It'll definitely become more obvious just how disoriented he is as time goes on, but I'll be sure to be conscious of specifically juxtaposing the two worlds in the future. Thanks!

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Jul 06, 2021

I've never felt so guilty about a premise and yet been so enthralled by the story. It's been amazing so far, and I'm definitely going to continue to be guilty while continuing to enjoy this story as it updates.
The world is set up in a way that has me interested in its innerworkings, and the characters are easy to get a grasp of, but clearly more complex than they might first appear. I'm excited to see what you have in store!

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Jul 06, 2021

The main character's first impression didn't really hook me all too well, however the premise itself was introduced in a way that makes up for it. Just for that, I'm excited to see what unfolds as the story goes on. Good stuff 👌

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