Nov 12, 2023
This was an interesting read. I like the open ended nature of it, where it presents ideas making you question if Yachiko is a god who judges people to die or live, or if this is just the protagonist's delusions. I can see this being expanded upon if you decide to make this into a full novel.
For some gripes I have with this, I feel like sometimes you used too many commas in certain places. And most of the character dialogue should be by itself. Like for example, the part where he says "anytime!" should be seperate from his thoughts since that can confuse the reader if they are put together.
But anyways, good job and good luck in the contest!