Nov 07, 2023
I liked the ideas behind this one. The association of life being connected to fire and Thanatos being an observer and collector of the fire left behind. However, I feel like some parts of it could have been better. For one thing worth noting, at the beginning it feels hard to get immersed in the story because of how the point of view shifted so quickly between the woman and Thanatos. The amount of information given about the lore of the gods and flames, while essential, hurt it by being too long at times.
There was also places where there could of been more showing over telling. One example was this part: "the man complained loudly, clearly trying to dissuade the woman but failing miserably." Like, it should be obvious to the reader through how the dialogue is worded that he is complaining loudly so you don't need to spell it out. And you already show he is failing by what the woman says in response.
but anyways, this was good for the most part. keep on practicing! please don't take my criticisms too personally and good luck in the contest. 🙂
