K-J-Whitten / Comments

K-J-Whitten

Explorer of fantasy. Daydreamer. Protector of waifus. But most of all, I’m a writer! My name is K. J. Whitten. Though some readers call me KJ. Each story is a part of myself that I give to you.

registered at: Oct 06, 2020

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aaa

Nov 07, 2023

I liked the ideas behind this one. The association of life being connected to fire and Thanatos being an observer and collector of the fire left behind. However, I feel like some parts of it could have been better. For one thing worth noting, at the beginning it feels hard to get immersed in the story because of how the point of view shifted so quickly between the woman and Thanatos. The amount of information given about the lore of the gods and flames, while essential, hurt it by being too long at times.

There was also places where there could of been more showing over telling. One example was this part: "the man complained loudly, clearly trying to dissuade the woman but failing miserably." Like, it should be obvious to the reader through how the dialogue is worded that he is complaining loudly so you don't need to spell it out. And you already show he is failing by what the woman says in response.

but anyways, this was good for the most part. keep on practicing! please don't take my criticisms too personally and good luck in the contest. 🙂

Embers of the Hearth

Chapter:1

Nov 05, 2023

To:Henrico

Hi Henrico!

Yeah, when the details for the contest came out I figured most people would write something similar to the prompt, so I thought going in the opposite direction could work as a good spin-off. Esepcially since I'm used to writing fantasy. I did see Frieren before the contest, so that may have influenced my decision with making it a little similar to that.

Originally, I was going to have someone from the guild be the big bad, but then I thought it would be more interesting if he tried taking Beatrice directly rather than from behind the scenes. Though no worries about you laughing at the ending! It made me laugh as well.

Thank you for reading, I'm glad you enjoyed it. 🙂

The light of my Darkness

Chapter:1

Nov 05, 2023

To:LIGHT TRAVEL

Thank you for reading, Light Travel!

The light of my Darkness

Chapter:1

Nov 04, 2023

I like the unique take you attempted here. A relatable story especially to creative types like ourselves. Never feeling like what we make is good enough or that anyone could ever understand our "vision." The messages this sends are great and effective. Well done!

My only criticism however, would be the part where you used all capital letters in the dialogue. While outside of book writing, that way of writing is fine, but in the publishing sphere it is not. Perhaps a quicker outburst of violence could've added more power to it.

But anyways, good luck on the contest Nox. But even if you don't win, that's ok, you did enough. Because you are enough. Take care! ❤️

Works of Hephaestus

Chapter:1

Nov 04, 2023

I liked the growth and simplicity of this one. Everything felt executed pretty well, from the pacing to the ending. My only criticism is the paragraphs. Some of them are a little hard to read because they had more sentences than usual. Try to limit them in the future to five sentences max per paragraph.

Otherwise, great job miratgx! Good luck in the contest.

The Hope Beyond the Night

Chapter:1

Nov 04, 2023

Interesting how this one is similar to your other story but different in the sense that it uses cold and darkness. The distance between them as well is different, which sets both stories apart. Once again, good job! Loved how this was worded.

A Requiem For Thanatos

Chapter:1

Nov 04, 2023

This story had a real immersive feel at times. I like how it felt like poetry with the shorter sentences. Loved the twist ending, that was good!

Good luck on the contest, Light Travel!

The Pyre Of Eros

Chapter:1

Nov 04, 2023

Nicely done! Everything felt so well set up and the twists at the end were great. Loved the way it ended too.

One Step to Happiness

Chapter:1

Nov 03, 2023

This feels like an interesting commentary on relationships and how we interact in different environments. The contradictory nature of wanting people one way but not entirely in the other. But also how our mental states can sometimes be like that as well.

I like how supernatural it feels when Akira responded. The red moon, the story establishing that they were dead but the protagonist still communicated with him. Made you wonder if it was all in his head or if he was talking to Akira's ghost.

By the way, I saw a minor mistake that I wanted to point out. You said: "I didn't know Akira-chan acquaints herself with his girlfriend. Accompanying my subtle smirk, I ask her if she plans to visit me too." I think herself should be himself and it should say I ask him if she plans to visit me too.

But anyways, good job! And once again I wish you good luck.❤️

Notes from AKIRA-CHAN

Chapter:1

Nov 03, 2023

"Ah. Well, double suicide?"
A certain anime character enters the chat.

But anyways lol, in all seriousness this was good. I wasn't completely sure how this was going to end considering that the beginning seemed different from the actual story being told. But the ending put everything together in an interesting way. The bits of comedy sprinkled here and there was fun to read.

Great job Pearl, good luck in the contest! ❤️

A Fleeting Soul

Chapter:1

Nov 03, 2023

To:ItWasntMe

Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it. 🙂

The light of my Darkness

Chapter:1

Oct 27, 2023

Well, this was...a story lol oof.

As usual, the writing is good and the immersion into what was happening is great as well. Just like the song this was inspired by, it has that contrasting feel. Their conversations having a casual, mundane feel while they are doing something dark. The idea of putting in a question left for the reader to answer at the end is also a neat choice.

Anyways, this was an interesting read. Good luck on the contest! Rooting for you Wolfy. 🙂

Fraternal Ascensionism

Chapter:1

Aug 27, 2023

There was so much Shakespeare in the beginning half that even Shakespeare would shed a tear. An interesting way of transitioning from the previous chapter. And a hilarious one as well. So Sora is this story's protagonist from the looks of it. A crossdressing femboy who hasn't seen his older sister Hime in years. So far, everything is off to a good start, though I wonder how the prologue will connect to the story overall.

Looking forward to reading the next chapter!

Sister Sensei (S++)

Chapter:1

Aug 16, 2023

This was a pretty immersive, atmospheric chapter. I did not expect the ending to go the way it did, nor the direction the story ultimately shifted towards here. An interesting choice! Especially the strange voice that you indented and only the mage seems to here. Makes me wonder if its their memories or if they are speaking to them somehow, like telepathy.

My only ciritic however, is that sometimes I feel like there is too much purple prose at certain points. Not a big deal here, but do keep in mind for future chapters as it can mess with the pacing if there is too much fancy descriptions.

Anyways, good job as always!

Sahaja—At 【The End】of Rebirth.

Chapter:1

Aug 08, 2023

Hmm, interesting. The writing here feels like a poem. A lot of deliberate word choices like "rats," "poison," and "law." Seems like its forshadowing bad things to come for the protagonist. Or perhaps it already has happened, and we are going to learn how they find love again and redefine it.

In any case, this looks like it will be more than just a simple love story. Good work as always Ana! Looking forward to what this will explore in future chapters!

Sahaja—At 【The End】of Rebirth.

Chapter:0

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