Dec 24, 2024
I’ll admit I’m biased because this is super my kinda thing, but I’m digging this so far. My only real thing is that this sure is super fast paced. We start of running with no chance to catch our breath or really get to know the characters. I think you have a lot of cool characters but there’s just no chance to see them outside of the framework of the mystery and have those traits affect their lives. I don’t think you’ve read it, but because I know you mentioned VN’s as a lot of your inspiration for this I want to bring up both anonymous;code and Chaos;child here, as I feel both those have interesting parallels.
I bring up a;c because I think it has a lot of similarities with the problems it has, a large reason I actually didn’t like it that much, especially compared to blip. In that too there’s little time spent before the main mystery drags the MC’s aka Pollin right into it, and from this he gets less development than pretty much any other mc in the series and it leaves all the other characters sans one in the dust, and I fell your approach paceing is having the same effect here. Saying that, even a;c still takes time to make it about the characters here, you see exactly how everything matters to the mc, exactly why and how he is involved, what he cares for, which I feel the characters here just don’t
Let’s compare that to chaos child for a second here, in c;c we get the first scene where we see the first murder, then boom, the next like 60k words are purely about introducing the cast and ever so slowly weaving them into the mystery, and even then it never stops making sure to show exactly how everything matters to every character, how they feel why they care how it changes them.
I think bubbles kinda nailed it with her review. You’re mystery in a vacuum works great, the characters just feel like plot points instead of actual characters, they don’t feel like real people
Take the time to give them some space to shine and give the readers a chance to both learn about them and give them some space to shine and truely interact with the plot instead of the breakneck pace we have here where the characters feel like an after thought
More than willing to awnser any questions you have on discord, because I really want this to be good and really think it can be
Thanks for the fun read
🫡
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