Jul 30, 2021
Hey, like the start. the dialogue feels good in most areas, and you do a great job of hooking the reader in. the worldbuilding is great as well. the details and background help make the world itself feel real, like a place you could really go. the characters also feel real to me. Blake's diction is something that stood out to me, along with everyone else's. they all talk differently and sound full of emotion, unlike most of the protagonists on this website, with sound dull and formal (even though in some cases its on purpose." They also sound like their from the correct time period, and you can see the relationships between the characters in the way they talk as well.
The chapter has a few cases of info-dumping, that are a bit too long. for some of them, like the one at the beginning of the chapter, turning it into two paragraphs instead of one would probably help create space and make it feel less cluttered. There's also the matter that its chapter is really long; not an issue for real novels, but on honeyfeed, that could be an issue for some readers.
overall though, I'm really liking the start. I can tell ist building up to something, and I can't wait to read more when this comes back around. good luck!
