Jul 19, 2021
I just noticed the naming pattern of your chapters. Will you have one that reads, "A Lion. A Witch. And A Wardrobe."?
I'm starting to sympathize with Mercedes even more than I ever have. He's using a flip phone in 2021. His life is in the dumps! Oh and I guess he failed the tryouts, there's that. No idea why he'd miss 20 pitches, I'm supposing the suspicious mascot is responsible for that. Still, those sections really do hurt and I really wanna give Mercedes a pat on the back.
Ahhh, I don't wanna sound rude, but given the prose you've shown us thus far, I think you could've written a better paragraph at the end there. I get that you wanna hook readers by saying things outright, but I think painting a more mysterious image of what's happening instead of who's happening would be a better closing hook. Least the real crux of the story is getting started. Time for some baseball~
