Jul 17, 2021
Hi, I like the Ex-S Gundam.
First of all, I like how poetic your descriptions are. It describes the scene in a cushy way that feels like you're being laid to rest on someone's lap. I felt that a lot of the descriptions regarding Aurora were too flattering. If it were in first person, I'd think she had a big ego. In third person, it feels like the narrator is a weird omniscient stalker. Not a problem, really.
From a first impression, you give the reader insight on the kind of person Aurora is, the general factions with an implication of the stakes involved, and a quick backstory to show how Aurora has grown as a pilot. And a minor setup regarding the Bastet (Haha she's called the White Cat and her Nexus is the God Of Cats, didn't think no one would catch ya, did ya?)
Only thing is, the major conflict isn't exactly clear from this chapter alone. I think it's insane to set up something like that immediately, but I think some context would have been nice. I really like the poem or whatever you call it at the start since it reels you in, but as I think of it, it doesn't really tell you anything. And the quoted name doesn't really make ya think about it much... I think I would've liked a boring Star Wars text scrawl infodumping the previous conflict up to this point a little more, but I really don't know. Something like that doesn't show off your writing abilities as well as that dance with death. And I guess the stuff I was asking for was in the synopsis anyway, so maybe you didn't bother since you figured all the readers would just get it from there.
Still, I'd say it's a damn solid beginning to what may be an exciting sci-fi story. Now to see your abilities paint a picture of a blood-pumping fight.
