Jul 30, 2021
Interesting premise. The cover and title really caught my attention. There are many places where you could increase the places of "show don't tell". I know word count is something to worry about but:
"Kami relayed everything to him in an instant. Many images flashed before Gin's eyes and his countenance became serious."
--> "Many images instantaneously flashed before Gin's eyes and his countenance became serious"
It implied that the images come from Kami and you present the same information more smoothly. There are more places where this can be improved. Best of luck!
