Young Madonna

Seven Years Ago

"Dang it, Kazuma. You're already 18 but your room still looks virgin as ever."

The busty, silver-haired girl stood in my room's doorway while she peered inside. Noriko and I wore our black uniforms back from school, but now her head sported a set of cute cat ears.

"Decorations won't change much if you visit every few weeks." I went to sit on the computer chair across from my bed. Multitudes of anime figures that lined my desk were all staring up at me. What? Who needs you guys when there's a real girl here!

"A few weeks lasts an eternity for some people though," Noriko replied. She closed the door behind her and walked in, giving a cursory glance towards the ceiling. "At this rate though, I wouldn't be surprised if you stuck posters up there one day."

"Hm. Not a bad idea actually."

"Please don't."

My bed creaked as Noriko tossed herself onto it. She rolled and squirmed about like an excited kid in a ball pit, ignoring how much her short skirt was riding up. "Haha! I missed your mattress! Way comfier than mine!"

How is she not being cute on purpose? I gulped hard enough for it to hurt.

"Ahhh! I love anime rooms as much as you do," she blared on her back, "but at this rate I'm gonna be the only girl you ever bring in here!"

"I've talked to other girls before too, you know."

"Well where are they now?"

"Probably with their boyfriends."

"Exactly." She craned her neck up just to grin at me. 

Though, things weren't going too smoothly for Mai I'd heard, but whatever. Her life, not mine. Not my problem.

We tinkered on our phones for a bit. Noriko had a habit of inviting herself over and I never had the alpha energy to say no—it didn't matter today though. I knew she visited for a different reason than normal.

"So, were you serious about what you said?" I asked her.

"Hmmm? About killing ourselves?" She was fiddling with the white bow on her chest. "Yeah, dead serious."

Crap. "Did you at least like, think about it?"

Noriko paused for a moment. "I've thought about killing myself since I was a kid, Kazuma. Don't doubt me."

She and I had been friends for two years, but her personal life was still an enigma. Whispered rumors said Noriko was a failed prodigy, or the child of an illicit romance. Something must have occurred to shape her into who she was. I held my own theories but respected her enough not to pry.

At least until now.

"Okay, listen." I rolled my computer chair closer to try meeting her eyes. "I know better than anyone how shit life is, but—"

"Did I ask to be proselytized?"  Noriko's head turned and stared at me with destitute, feral eyes. "Don't patronize me." 

I scooted back to avoid her gaze. "S-Sorry . . . "

"Yup! It's all fine!" Noriko's bubbly-self reemerged, full of vigor. "You're the one person it's hard to stay mad at. We're similar after all."

"Thanks? Haha . . . " There's gotta be some way to change her mind! Let a teacher know? Try to contact her parents? Even I've never considered suicide! This is serious!

"Hey, Kazuma," she seductively looked at me with yearnful eyes. On her back, she shifted her exposed legs up and stretched herself on my bed, highlighting her every curve. "I don't wanna force you into anything, but if you promise to kill yourself with me, I'll let you have sex with me before we do—or even right now."

"E-Excuse me?"

Her fingers slid up her thigh and tugged what remained of her skirt inwards, unsheathing the resplendent legs I've always fantasized about. She twirled them around in the air like she was weaving an invisible web, all while granting only the smallest peeks at her erotic, white undergarments. 

"I've seen how you look at me: it's just like all the other boys. But only you don't disgust me. You wanna do things, right? I'd let you."

What is even going on? I scooted my chair further away to hide an erecting problem. "T-This is all just kinda sudden . . ."

"Quick or slow, doesn't matter. I'll feel good as long as you do." She relaxed herself and conveyed zero resistance, like a willful offering. Sparkling, purple eyes tried inviting me over to the bed. "Come here."

"Noriko—" I'd wanted her, I always had. Ever since I met her in the library, ever since I witnessed her amazing body, ever since I learned how much guys wanted her, ever since I'd lost interest in literally every other woman—

My chest contracted and expanded, straining to channel my breaths. I could only focus on defenseless Noriko on the bed. Everything about her tempted me: the way gravity listed her large breasts sideways as she lay, how her porcelain nape accentuated her silver hair, the long length of her eyelashes that fluttered with every blink, and the way her glossy lips remained parted as she panted waiting for me.

Just do it. Before I even realized it, I was half-way to my feet, but I grasped my chair's armrests before I wrought something unforgivable. As much as I wanted her, as much as I'd be willing to die just for a few minutes with her, her life was worth more than my lust. 

"Kazuma?" she said, confused.

Not like this. I sat back down and collected myself. Think! Think! Think how to save her instead! There's no time for anything! I don't want her to die but she'll kill herself with or without me! Stall, stall, stall . . . wait, that's it!

"Give me some time," I muttered. "I'm still not sure I wanna die with you, but—can you at least tell me your thought process? What made you consider suicide?" Maybe I can help her if I learn more about her.

"Oh, geez!" She sat up and straightened her skirt back over her knees. "Killed the mood. I'd rather not tell people about my personal problems. How about I give another glimpse of stuff I've been thinking about instead?"

"Like what?"

Noriko crossed her legs in a slow, alluring fashion. "Ever felt like there was an underlying beauty life was trying to hide from you?"

"Ummm . . ." I glanced around my room, trying to find the missing answer. "Can't say I have?"

"Well, I'm gonna sound crazy, but I think there's a light in this world—a light that's waiting to shine down on everyone!" Her hands performed dramatic theatrics. "Beautiful, pure light!"

"Like the sun?"

"No, dummy! I'm talking about death! The beauty and light of death!"

"Come again?" It was the first time I'd heard anyone speak so passionately about it.

Noriko leaned forward on the bed, directing her eerie gaze straight at me. "Death is guaranteed for everyone, Kazuma. The sooner you embrace death, either literally or spiritually, the sooner you'll be at peace."

"I'm not following."

"Doesn't matter. Everyone will eventually accept death whether they want to or not. Death is this world's only truth."

I wasn't quite sure what face to make. "Noriko . . . Are you okay?"

Then her cheer faded, replaced with hostility and indignant eyes. "Principles are sacrosanct. If you have any, you wouldn't question mine."

Forget all this bullshit! was what I wanted to scream, but I worried she'd walk out the door and carry out her ideals on her own. I'd just have to—

"Humor her," I whispered inaudibly. It was the beginning of my Faustian bargain. 

"Huh?"

"Tell me more." From my chair I looked her straight in the eye. "I've never thought about suicide or death romantically, but I'm open minded. Show me this side of yourself you've kept bottled up."

Silence. Noriko displayed a blank face that was hard to read. She was speechless, then a lone tear streamed down her cheek.

"I knew you'd understand, I knew you would!" Noriko rocked up and down on my bed, bouncing her breasts with every jolt. "Yeah! I'd love to explain some of the lessons we've all been teaching each other."

"Lessons?"

"Mm!" She snatched up her phone and started scrolling. "I've been talking with some guys online about this sort of stuff. We started a forum and it's gotten huge lately!"

"Oh? What's the name? I'll look it up." I rolled around to my computer monitor.

"Self-Help for the Weary. But we're thinking of changing our name to something cheerier. Got any ideas?"

"Uhhh, since you mentioned light a lot, maybe something related to that?" Early research on my computer screen indicated their sub-forum boasted over 300,000 members, and had multitudes of currently active threads—most headlined with similar rhetoric Noriko mentioned earlier.

My jaw dropped lower with each second I browsed their insane forum. This is a cult in the making! No way can Noriko be around this crap! They convinced her to kill herself! If I wanna save her, I gotta separate her from them somehow!

"Done! Yay!" Noriko rolled around on my bed again. "Just made a thread about a name change! We'll see what everyone else comes up with!"

I looked back at the screen and it was true—she was an administrator. Judging by Noriko's credentials, she seemed like one of the forum's lead admins under the pseudonym "Madonna." Floods of replies started creeping into her thread immediately.

"You guys sure do have tons of followers," I fake chuckled. Is it some sort of pyramid scheme?

"It's just people seeking out peace." She sat up and extended out her arms in a hugging motion. "We accept everyone with open arms."

"What happened to me being the only person you talk to?" 

"Oh? Jealous?" Noriko grinned. "But nah, I don't really care about anyone there, including the other admins. They're just pixels on the screen for me. Besides life and death, you're my only light in this world, Kazuma."

I had to play along. "Y-Yeah, good to know. Looks like there's lots of people that think similarly too, but I'm surprised the forum hasn't been taken down yet. Doesn't it break terms of service or something?"

"Probably." She shrugged her shoulders. "But some site admins believe in our ideals, so they've left us alone. We're planning on expanding beyond the forum someday anyway."

"Expanding? Like making your own website?" I need more intel.

All Noriko did was smile at me, but it carried a sinister aura. "Kazuma. If you're lying to me—about anything—I'll kill myself on the spot. I don't care how I die at all."

"N-No! Why would I lie? There's no point."

"Then, prove it." She leaned back on my bed again and pulled up her skirt, giving a glimpse at her white panties. "Give me a reason to trust you and I'll reciprocate."

I gulped at the sight of her ajar, smooth legs. "We don't need to do that. Let's—Let's think of something else."

"Fine! Just a kiss then."

"Kiss?"

"Come on, are you too virgin for even a kiss?" She sat up to adjust her cat ears headband.

883jct893n3wieojdoifsp. My body turned on autopilot mode and waltzed over to Noriko. I sat beside her with the full intention to—

Kiss. It's just a kiss. Her gorgeous face hovered ever closer to mine as I slowly closed my eyes. A soft hand caressed my sensitive cheeks, and Noriko's heavy, sweet breaths lulled me into a trance as our lips prepared to meet.

Then the sound of a door opening snapped us out of our daze.

"Oh, big brother. Looks like you're busy so don't mind me," my sister Chidori said from the doorway. She still wore her white sailor uniform back from school.

"C-Chidori?" I quickly scooted away from Noriko. "N-N-Normally people would be polite and close the door when they interrupt something like this, yeah!"

"Why would I do that?" She grinned after examining the awkward scene again. "I want front row seats to your first accomplishment in life."

"That's not how this works . . ."

My 14-year-old little sister had inherited our mother's long, orange hair but retained our dad's emerald eyes. Even though Chidori was socially awkward like me, her sheer extrovertedness balanced it out. She'd cycled through at least three boyfriends by now and showed no signs of slowing down. Why does my little sister get more game than me?

Squirming around within her sailor uniform, a little ball of black fur popped out from under Chidori's chin.

"Nyaa! Nyaa!" the black kitten squeaked. It shimmied out and plopped to the floor.

"Oh, a kitty!" Noriko said excitedly. She leaned forward to attract its attention. "Come here!"

Within seconds, our new kitten learned how to sprint and bolted over. It found comfort in Noriko's hands as she scooped him up into her lap.

“So adorable! What’s his name?”

“Doesn’t have one yet," I said with a blunt face.

"How does he not have a name yet?" Noriko blurted. "And why didn't you tell me about him anyway?"

"Didn't seem important. My sister wanted the cat so she'll name it."

"Actually, that's on you, bro," Chidori pointed at me. "I'm just training him—don't have time to pick out a good name."

"Eh? I mean I don't mind, but I'd probably give him an anime name or something."

"That's fine. He'll just be 'Cat' until then."

The black kitten tossed and turned in Noriko's lap, eager to expose every inch of himself for petting. It was probably the closest I'd seen a cat come to grinning. Dang Cat! That was supposed to be me getting spoiled by Noriko!

"Well, guess I'll bail now." My sister made a quick wave towards us. "Sorry for barging in, Mito."

Wait, why doesn't she apologize to me too?

"Oh, it's okay!" Noriko replied. "If your brother was more of a man, you might've barged into something more interesting, haha."

"Urg . . ." All I could do was fidget in shame.

Chidori snapped her finger like she just thought of something. "If you guys wanna fuck, I actually got condoms my ex-boyfriend left behind. Not that we ever had sex ourselves, of course."

The heck? I looked to my side. Noriko was blushing and twirling a strand of hair around her finger, obviously wanting me to decide the response.

If only my sister knew the strings attached to getting inside Noriko. "Uhhh, no thanks. We're not in a relationship or anything. Just sort of, uhhh, exploring still, haha."

"Yeah, doing it raw feels great too." Chidori nodded twice with a proud smile.

"Did you hear what I said? Wait, how do you know how sex feels like? You're 14."

Nonchalant whistling escaped her lips as she slowly started closing the door. "Well, parents are out right now if you guys wanna do anything fun. I'll just listen to music super loud."

With a soft click, my sister sealed my room shut once more, leaving me isolated with my attractive, silver-haired friend in heat. 

"Nyaa! Nyaa!" The kitten on Noriko's lap looked towards me with starry eyes.

"Oh! I think he likes you!" she said. "Figured out a name yet?"

"We'll just go with 'Cat', there."

The feline stared up at me with displeased eyes, like I'd just earned its vexation forever.

"Come on! Think of something better than Cat!" Noriko said while rubbing Cat's back.

"Ughhh . . . Guess I'll comb web novels later for ideas. Gives me an excuse to check out a new one from America."

"Oh? Which one?"

I glanced around my room for any fan art I could point to. But considering its newness, there probably wasn't any. "It's called Dominion's Paradise. My fave translation group has been translating the first chapters and it's apparently pretty good."

Noriko opened her mouth to speak but cut herself off. With a mellow expression, she started caressing Cat again. "Sorry. I'd say I'll read it, but I probably won't be around long so no point."

Chidori's earlier intrusion had made me forget about the topic at hand. I still needed to save Noriko from herself somehow. "Can I just ask one question?" 

"Hmm? What is it?" She laid Cat down on the floor.

Well here goes nothing. "When you finally made up your mind—about suicide—is that something you decided yourself, or is something that forum pushed you into deciding?"

Her eyes turned cold for a second, but then reverted to normal. From our bed she looked towards the computer screen with her forum displayed. "Kazuma, you generated a misconception about us. We don't ever tell anyone to kill themselves. Followers just adopt resolutions they feel best suit them, based on the doctrines we preach. Death isn't something we literally push on people; it's only a concept we desire to be better understood."

"If that's true, what happens when people do kill themselves?"

An emotionless grin spread across her face as she glared at me with soul-crushing intensity. "We congratulate them. Or at least, celebrate their accomplishment with a public obituary."

Noriko . . .  I looked away and bit my lips. How long have you been suffering? Why was I blind to it? Why couldn't I do something? But I'll save you even if it kills us both!

"Kazuma?" She craned her neck towards me. 

"Give me two weeks—no—just one week from tomorrow," I said. "Give me until then to decide if I'll kill myself with you, just don't hurt yourself before then. Please."

A sheer moment of silence encapsulated the room. Neither of us said anything while we both stared down at our knees. Up until today, we'd been living a life of distance, but now we were teetering on becoming the most paramount person in our lives.

No matter whose ideals won in the end, regrets would haunt the victor.

"Okay," she stated. "One week from Friday. That's how much time you get, but only on one condition."

"What?"

Her hand shot out and grabbed mine. "Give me chances to convince you—about how beautiful death is! That way, even if you don't come with me, you'll live a more sanctified life after I'm gone!"

Sincere, lavender eyes gleamed at me like they fully believed everything their owner spoke. I was in no position to argue though. The Faustian bargain was still on. 

"Yeah, that's totally fine." I said. "Here, I'll give you my phone number too in case anything comes up."

"Mm!" She clapped her hands. "About time! Maybe there's hope for you yet!"

We weren't aware of the other's social media accounts, so we'd only communicated in person until now. I had too much pride to ask her for anything personal, and she was probably just waiting for me to ask. Better late than never I guess.

After we finished our exchange, another awkward silence befell us. Noriko twiddled her fingers as her face flushed pink.

"So . . . If you want, we can still kiss, as a sign of my trust to give me an answer."

"No," I sternly said. "I don't wanna take advantage of you like that. Uhhh, how about lend me something instead?"

"Lend? Like what?"

Our confused expressions showed our cluelessness, but I took the initiative. "Dunno, you decide. Something that'll remind me of you every time I see it."

She pressed one finger to her chin and brainstormed. Then as if a lightbulb lit up, her eyes screamed 'Aha!'

"Mm! Okay!" Noriko's hands reached towards the top of her head and plucked off the brown cat ears. She presented them to me like a crown.

"Your headband?" I said, perplexed.

"Yup! Put it on! Put it on!" She was springing on the bed again, and her eager face made it hard to say no.

"Urg, alright . . ." The things I do for love.

She leaned forward and began the coronation ceremony. I lowered myself slightly as she slipped the cat ears onto me. Noriko's giggling kept me alert while she tinkered and adjusted the headband until she seemed satisfied.

"There! Done!"

I shimmied off the bed and tried looking around for a mirror. "H-How do I look?"

"Dumb! But cute!"

At least she's honest. My fingers reached up to rub the fluffy ears she'd granted me. Apparently, she had won them in a crane game and would always carry them around in her satchel, ready for immediate use after classes. We rarely interacted outside school, but when we did, Noriko's cat ears were always along for the ride.

"I don't expect you to wear them everywhere," she started, "but don't just stash them in a drawer or something and forget about them."

"Aren't you usually the one forgetting things?"

Her face pouted. "That's only sometimes. But yeah, hold old onto those until you make up your mind. Once you do, no matter what, I'm coming back to get them, 'k?"

"If you remember, haha."

"S-Shut up!" She stood up to poke my chest. "You remember I need to pick up those cat ears! Don't give them back unless I say so!"

"Sure, sure." I acted silly, but in the back of my mind I was thinking: What happens if you never come back?

She straightened her skirt and sat back down on my bed. Cat below circled around her feet for attention, meowing with vigor.

"Hey, Kazuma?" Noriko said.

"Yeah?"

Her face looked conflicted, like it was undecided between speaking or remaining silent. "I just—I just don't want you thinking we're hypocrites. I told you earlier we don't tell anyone to kill themselves, but here I am asking you to do just that with me."

The irony wasn't lost, but not worth repudiating her for. "Don't worry about it. Suicide must've been a tough choice to make. It's understandable you wouldn't want to go alone."

"No!" she stammered. "It can't be just anyone! Only you!"

"Huh? Me? I'm not special or anything though."

Tears started welling in her eyes as shivering hands curled up into fists. "Stupid! Stupid! You're the only person I care about, Kazuma! In this whole world! That's why it'd mean more than the world to me if we could do this together! I'd do anything for you if you just said yes!"

I couldn't confront her pleas. All I could do was look away and hope she understood my sentiments. Please live for me, Noriko. That's all I want. And that's what I'll make happen.

Comforting her in my arms wouldn't do any good. I needed to keep emotionally distant for now, I needed my plan to play out without error over the next week. Machinations assembled themselves one by one in my head as full pictures formed—all culminating at the bridge where our fates would be decided.

Before I realized it, I was standing over a weeping Noriko and offering her my hand. It was impossible to tell her what she wanted to hear, but I knew what she needed to hear.

"I'll be with you until the end, no matter what happens. That's my promise, and if I break it, I’ll happily kill myself one day too."