Jun 23, 2022
To:Jio Kurenai
It’s nice to meet you as well, who also seems to write rather long comments. I don’t know why, but I myself seem to be unable to write short comments, so here we go again 😂
I definitely get the Problem you are facing there. It is always hard to strike a balance between literally everything. For this special case I would simply adapt the tools from a screenwriter into the toolbox of a novelist. In screenplays you can simply use a CUT TO: and then quickly change the scene or write whole montages of things that quickly happen after one another. To use them in prose you definitely have to modify that a bit to not loose the reader, but why not simply “snap” between different scenes? You can even use “match cuts” to smoothen the transition. For example:
The starting shot fell. I ran as fast as my body was able to. Lungs burning, feet aching, but I simply could only watch Allen move further and further away from me. My hand reached out for him, to close in on the distance, but I soon only reached for the airplane that disappeard in the sky to take him to a land far away. Far away from me.
Something in the lines of that and chained with other events that led to one another. But not just that. The way of exposition you have right there ist already really good. So you could just build a few of this plot blocks in between them to also show a bit and not just tell everything. 😉
And I read the next chapter as well: You are definitely able to write with a great pacing. This prolog might get a bit longer, but possibly less exposition-heavy.
But that would be just my approach. I hope it helps you somehow! 😊
I will definitely stay on the line with this story and am already thrilled to read more! 😁
