Feb 12, 2022
To:Momentie
Hey Momentie, thanks for taking the time to post a review! It's stuff like this that motivates me to keep posting stories on Honeyfeed.
Yes, in looking over the story I can see where some of the characters could have been more fully fleshed out. Even if it was shorter than a novel, those were the constraints I accepted when I entered the contest, so I can't cry about it now. 😂😂
One of the reasons (admittedly, not the best reason) I kept Endo in was because he appeared along with Takeda in the first chapter. I was trying to keep the storyline in chapters 2 through 12 parallel with the first chapter, to give the reader a sense of deja' vu and get an idea of what might lie ahead. Looking back at it now, that probably wasn't such a good idea, especially since I didn't flesh out Endo's character. He was originally supposed to be a low-level threat and possible rival for Erika's affections. I might have done that given more time and space, but I can't complain since everyone else in the contest was held to the same constraints. 😆😆
Same goes for Hayami. The suicide of her father was what pushed her over the edge, to be sure, but I left out the real cause. My fault! I neglected to mention that yes, he *was* really selling state secrets to other nations. Given more time, I could have worked that in, as well as his reasons for doing so. Neither Keisuke nor his uncle planted anything, it's just what Hayami's father told her, and of course she believed him. I'll need to make that clearer next time.
The foreman couldn't be Endo's dad, since Endo overheard his father expressing doubt about the story the foreman told. As such, they couldn't be the same person, but I can clarify this in future updates. And yeah, I could have elaborated more on that, but again I was trying to keep the storyline in the latter chapters in line with Chapter 1 -- not the best idea since, as you pointed out, that weakened the storyline. 😂😂
I was trying to be subtle with the theme of the story, but maybe I was too subtle. 😭😭 Erika/Catarina simply wanted forgiveness for betraying the person she loved. That's why I had an act of betrayal occur twice in the story -- both times Keisuke/Garret was abandoned in a pit, to die slowly and horribly. In both cases, lust for riches caused Erika/Catarina to believe lies about someone she really loved. She only recognized that after the fact, adding to her regret and the overpowering urge to correct her mistakes -- even if she had to cross worlds to do so (hence, the isekai element).
The Antediluvian Shard (trivia fact: antediluvian means 'before the flood') was just the mechanism that encouraged the betrayal, and Hayami's character was there to act as the Devil's advocate.
Uncle Kouki was a lot of fun to work with! If I had the chance to do it again, I'd try to make more of my characters have, well, more character. 😁😁
I really appreciate all the time you invested in the story, not only reading it but giving me some very useful suggestions and critique. Thank you! I hope I can return the favor some day.
👍👍😄
