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Gulfstream

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Just another guy who likes to write. Grew up in the MoN (Middle of Nowhere), and am currently living there.

registered at: Sep 17, 2021

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Jul 25, 2022

To:KawaZukiYama

Hey, thanks a lot! Was there anything in particular you liked? A favorite character?

Challengers

Chapter:16

Jul 24, 2022

But Pyro has to break out sometime, right? There's that chocolate addiction she has to feed, not to mention those plans Joseph sent her to steal (where *are* those, by the way?).🤔
I noticed the sentence "The green-type I killed seemingly forever ago still occasionally visits me in my dreams" came after "...they might find they have a bone to pick with me" in the middle of Pyro's musing about destroying the Wharf.
Maybe moving the sentence after "Cyborgs take it personally when you disrupt their lifestyles..." would clarify?
Sorry if I sound too pedantic, the story is marvelous and I can't wait for the next chapter! 😁

Pyro's Grand Demise

Chapter:14

Jul 20, 2022

I wonder what kind of hold Joe has over Kaden -- blackmail? A kill switch? Both?
In my opinion, this story is pure, classic cyberpunk in the style of William Gibson's "Neuromancer," where every character has an angle and is motivated solely by self-interest. I'm looking forward to your next chapter!👍👍😄

Pyro's Grand Demise

Chapter:13

Jul 20, 2022

To:Taylor Victoria

I couldn't resist showing the effects of the damage that comes from an (over)enthusiastic use of explosives and gunfire -- even on a ship as tough as the Mistral! -- that we see in anime and movies. The Avengers movie was a perfect example of that, thanks for bringing that up! And thanks for reading and commenting, too! 😀😄😁

Challengers

Chapter:11

Jul 20, 2022

To:Momentie

Hey thanks, I appreciate it! I was hoping to keep the momentum going from the last chapter (and couldn't resist another cliff-hanger). 😄
Looking back, though, I did feel the name of the chapter -- "A Secret Base" -- was a little lackluster, so I may go back and rename it later.
Thanks for the comments! 👍👍😀

Challengers

Chapter:15

Jul 16, 2022

To:Taylor Victoria

Thanks, I had to rewrite the scene multiple times, and I still found room for improvement here and there when I re-read it just now. Oh well, maybe in the rewrite...😅
Yes, we'll definitely see more of Aiko and Peterson together later on. There's a few unanswered questions I'd like to answer (such as how Aiko's sword cuts so well!). 😄
Thanks for the comments! 😀👍👍

Challengers

Chapter:10

Jul 16, 2022

To:Taylor Victoria

Yeah, that's probably the worst punishment Pyro has to endure -- a limited chocolate supply! No wonder she's so eager to break out. 😄

Pyro's Grand Demise

Chapter:12

Jul 16, 2022

Pyro seems to regard the threat of solitary confinement as a punishment more severe than being beaten with an electric truncheon. Granted, social life in a secret prison won't be at a high level, but it sounds like she's really deprived of human contact. Maybe dinner at the cafeteria is the only chance she has to talk with someone else (I'm not counting Terence here)?
And when she says she might kill someone for a brownie, I don't doubt it for a second. 😅

Pyro's Grand Demise

Chapter:12

Jul 12, 2022

Shock bolts piercing her as she tries to escape, followed by a little broom closet surgery, then Pyro's rendered unconscious again! Talk about a tough life. Being a blue-type cyborg sure ain't a night in Club Med.
I'll have to admit it was a surprise to see Joseph actually on site. Wonder what he's planning to do?🤔
I'm looking forward to finding out! 😁

Pyro's Grand Demise

Chapter:11

Jul 11, 2022

To:Momentie

A Dreadnought killing machine always makes for a dramatic entrance, I think. 😄 World War 3 in Peterson's reality seems to have made some differences in technology and history when compared to his current reality. And high-tech cyborgs are at least known, if not common, in the year 2143. But, cyborgs in 1983? Not so much. 🤔
Thanks dude, really appreciate the comments!😀😀

Challengers

Chapter:13

Jul 09, 2022

Thanks for saying that, I was worried that the chapter might have appeared to be too slow-paced. When I wrote it, I took the advice of another author who also said the same thing about giving the characters a breather in between the action scenes. Things should pick up again very soon, though.😁
As always, I appreciate the comments! 😄😄

Challengers

Chapter:12

Jul 09, 2022

To:Ochroleucous

I couldn't agree with you more! 😄 Aiko's afraid of flying, Peterson is afraid of spiders -- there's more than a few unresolved phobias floating among the crew of the Mistral!
Thanks for your comments! 😁

Challengers

Chapter:12

Jul 08, 2022

Yes! That was an exciting chapter! Excellent pacing and suspense!👍👍
I thought the explanation about why younger cyborgs would have more of their original organs in their bodies made sense. I hope Pyro gets a chance to purchase one of those artificial organs. It looks like she'll need one if she makes it.
But Pyro didn't make it over the wall, did she? Uh-oh...😅

Pyro's Grand Demise

Chapter:10

Jul 08, 2022

To:Taylor Victoria

Ah yes, the "exploding cyborg" scene! I guess the Cyclad's contra-grav technology really was "unreliable," as Aiko called it. Jetpacks would be awesome in the 22nd century if they didn't explode occasionally. 😆
Thanks for reading and commenting!😀

Challengers

Chapter:9

Jul 07, 2022

To:Taylor Victoria

You're right, the action is very much about to heat up -- it may even start raining killer cyborgs soon! Thanks for your comment about the pacing, I had to rework the chapter several times to make it flow more smoothly.
I plan to introduce a little more of Peterson's background -- and why he joined the military at 17 -- soon.
I hope you'll enjoy the next chapter!😀

Challengers

Chapter:8

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