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Gulfstream

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Just another guy who likes to write. Grew up in the MoN (Middle of Nowhere), and am currently living there.

registered at: Sep 17, 2021

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Dec 07, 2023

I'm hooked. I think you write an intriguing story that's well told, with foreshadowing in all the right places that keep me coming back for more. I never thought that a POV coming from a rock would be interesting, but you've proved otherwise. I'm looking forward to the next chapters!👍👍

Reincarnated as a Rock in Another World

Chapter:5

Oct 14, 2023

Hey, not bad! The story kept me moving along from one paragraph to the next. The foreshadowing was excellent ("However, the weekend never arrived," for example). I'm not a good judge of short fiction, but I thought that the way you presented the quandary that Akaru was in was engrossing. I did have some difficulty with some of the sentences (e.g. when Thanatos said "I must not answer to that," I wasn't sure if he meant he couldn't answer or shouldn't answer) but these are minor quibbles.
Finally, the ending paragraph was a complete surprise (good job there!). But was Akaru really a psycho, without motivation for his actions? Or did the news story (I'm assuming it was a news story) try to paint him as one? Or did something else compel him to do what he did, maybe one of the gods in the story? I don't think the flash fiction format allows much room for exposition, though, so I'll just have to guess. 😀Overall, I felt that this story was well-written and compelling. Best of luck to you in the competition! 👍👍

Gods Deceive

Chapter:1

Oct 10, 2023

To:Kaizoku720

I'd say yes, write another story! You could make it stand alone or as a companion piece to the one you've written, but either way you could enter it into the competition alongside the original composition. "Thanatos Lies" resonated with me, as I believe it did with other readers, because of personal experiences with the subject matter. If your second story could do the same thing, that would be ideal!

Thanatos Lies

Chapter:1

Oct 09, 2023

I thought that was an outstanding short story! Revealing Thanatos as a liar, and ending the story on a high note -- the title was apt and didn't disappoint.
I did wonder that, although Ruu was dating Aumi, he didn't seem to realize that she was in such deep emotional distress that she was planning suicide. But maybe she didn't want him to try and stop her, and hid her feelings? It's hard to say -- the flash story format doesn't allow much space to go into such details.
Ultimately, I enjoyed a very satisfying read. Good luck in the competition, I think you've got a winner here! 👍👍

Thanatos Lies

Chapter:1

Jun 14, 2023

To:Feyblue

Had to take a break from the action. 😎

Dragon X Digital Dream

Chapter:0

Jun 14, 2023

To me, some of these RPGs (MMO or not) almost seem to penalize human characters. Humans are often labeled as the most numerous race, or the most flexible, and come across as kind of boring and without special abilities (see the original D&D rules for an example). Team Dragonkin is the way to roll, Keiichi.

Dragon X Digital Dream

Chapter:1

Jun 13, 2023

This is Good Stuff! Flow of the narration is smooth, lots of plot hooks leading to -- the next few chapters, I'm guessing. 😀
Great start! 👍👍

Dragon X Digital Dream

Chapter:0

Apr 22, 2023

Nice start! South Africa seems to be an interesting setting, I'd like to see more of it integrated into the story. I'm looking forward to seeing how the main character continues to develop. Poor guy has had a rough start in life, hasn't he?

Hacker Class

Chapter:0

Nov 07, 2022

To:EliteWarrior910

Yes, the story started out with a different style of humor than most of the remainder (except maybe for the chapter before the epilogue). I started with the idea in mind that I'd create a story with a more slapstick style of humor, but this changed along with the story as I was writing it.

Thanks very much for the feedback, I really appreciate it! I do plan on rewriting this story, though, based on feedback like yours and the mistakes I found after I'd submitted the last chapter. The errors are all mine, even if there was a time crunch. Like any first draft, I saw lots of room for improving the story after the deadline had passed. But that I will blame on the time crunch. 😄

I had fun writing "Challengers!" Thanks for the kind words, and for reading all the way through! 😄😄👍

Challengers

Chapter:30

Nov 07, 2022

To:EliteWarrior910

And I'll bet Jim was wishing he had one when Aiko refused to cut him loose! 😀

Challengers

Chapter:29

Nov 05, 2022

To:Deleted User

I really appreciate the encouraging words, ★~Veronica~♡! I don't think I had the type of story the sponsors were looking for, tbh. But I thoroughly enjoyed the challenge of writing a novel in 90 days, and being able to talk with other readers and authors (like you!) is a reward in itself. 😀
I loved writing "Challengers"! It's what I consider a first draft, though, so there's a shipload of errors I'd like to correct in a rewrite. (More info on the supporting character backgrounds, for one thing.) We'll see...
Thanks for reading!👍😁👍

Challengers

Chapter:0

Nov 03, 2022

To:EliteWarrior910

Nice, wished I'd thought of that!👍 It sounds like something one of the characters in the story might say. 😄

Challengers

Chapter:25

Oct 27, 2022

To:EliteWarrior910

Lieutenant Minori Asakusa comments on this later on in the story. With the population of Japan plummeting even before 'rips' started appearing, automation fills in for live crewmembers in many cases. This is hinted at in the story by the existence of cargo-loading robots in Chapter 12 and the mention of 'house-cleaning automata' (including the infamous cleaning robot that scares Jim in chapter 12! 😄).

As for the size of the Mistral, I tried to work with something large enough to carry vehicles and cargo, yet still small enough to require a small number of crew. You'll see mentions of enlisted crew members here and there, but there aren't many of them (these are actually a 'temporary' crew used to ferry ships from the manufacturer to their final destination). I picked an actual ship, the experimental "Sea Fighter" (a quick Google of 'sea fighter fsf-1' will get you the specs) as a real-life example to use as a model for the Mistral Challenger. It has four officers and 22 crew, and is 80 meters long and 22 meters wide. Just about right for the dimensions of a Challenger-class exploration vessel! 😄

Challengers

Chapter:22

Oct 24, 2022

To:EliteWarrior910

You're right -- Alsfeld is an actual town in Germany! It used to be in West Germany during the Cold War, before the Berlin Wall fell.
I included Alsfeld in the story since it was right next to the "Fulda Gap." In the 1980's, NATO expected the Soviet Union Army to storm through this gap and sweep through the surrounding countryside, possibly even overpowering the NATO forces (they had 2.5 times the number of troops on their side of the border). And this is what happened in this alternate version of history.
My dad served in Germany during the Cold War. He said the Soviet Union had so many tanks and armored vehicles that when they (the Soviets) maneuvered their forces during training they raised so much dust it darkened the sky. Spooky! 😨

Challengers

Chapter:19

Oct 18, 2022

Outstanding story! There were a few places where I found it difficult to keep track of the characters, but this novel would make an excellent manga or anime. Definitely worth my time to read.👍👍 I look forward to your next work!

MINUS • PLUS

Chapter:24

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