Jun 14, 2023
Had to take a break from the action. 😎
Jun 14, 2023
To me, some of these RPGs (MMO or not) almost seem to penalize human characters. Humans are often labeled as the most numerous race, or the most flexible, and come across as kind of boring and without special abilities (see the original D&D rules for an example). Team Dragonkin is the way to roll, Keiichi.
Jun 13, 2023
This is Good Stuff! Flow of the narration is smooth, lots of plot hooks leading to -- the next few chapters, I'm guessing. 😀
Great start! 👍👍
Apr 22, 2023
Nice start! South Africa seems to be an interesting setting, I'd like to see more of it integrated into the story. I'm looking forward to seeing how the main character continues to develop. Poor guy has had a rough start in life, hasn't he?
Nov 07, 2022
Yes, the story started out with a different style of humor than most of the remainder (except maybe for the chapter before the epilogue). I started with the idea in mind that I'd create a story with a more slapstick style of humor, but this changed along with the story as I was writing it.
Thanks very much for the feedback, I really appreciate it! I do plan on rewriting this story, though, based on feedback like yours and the mistakes I found after I'd submitted the last chapter. The errors are all mine, even if there was a time crunch. Like any first draft, I saw lots of room for improving the story after the deadline had passed. But that I will blame on the time crunch. 😄
I had fun writing "Challengers!" Thanks for the kind words, and for reading all the way through! 😄😄👍
Nov 07, 2022
And I'll bet Jim was wishing he had one when Aiko refused to cut him loose! 😀
Nov 05, 2022
I really appreciate the encouraging words, ★~Veronica~♡! I don't think I had the type of story the sponsors were looking for, tbh. But I thoroughly enjoyed the challenge of writing a novel in 90 days, and being able to talk with other readers and authors (like you!) is a reward in itself. 😀
I loved writing "Challengers"! It's what I consider a first draft, though, so there's a shipload of errors I'd like to correct in a rewrite. (More info on the supporting character backgrounds, for one thing.) We'll see...
Thanks for reading!👍😁👍
Nov 03, 2022
Nice, wished I'd thought of that!👍 It sounds like something one of the characters in the story might say. 😄
Oct 27, 2022
Lieutenant Minori Asakusa comments on this later on in the story. With the population of Japan plummeting even before 'rips' started appearing, automation fills in for live crewmembers in many cases. This is hinted at in the story by the existence of cargo-loading robots in Chapter 12 and the mention of 'house-cleaning automata' (including the infamous cleaning robot that scares Jim in chapter 12! 😄).
As for the size of the Mistral, I tried to work with something large enough to carry vehicles and cargo, yet still small enough to require a small number of crew. You'll see mentions of enlisted crew members here and there, but there aren't many of them (these are actually a 'temporary' crew used to ferry ships from the manufacturer to their final destination). I picked an actual ship, the experimental "Sea Fighter" (a quick Google of 'sea fighter fsf-1' will get you the specs) as a real-life example to use as a model for the Mistral Challenger. It has four officers and 22 crew, and is 80 meters long and 22 meters wide. Just about right for the dimensions of a Challenger-class exploration vessel! 😄
Oct 24, 2022
You're right -- Alsfeld is an actual town in Germany! It used to be in West Germany during the Cold War, before the Berlin Wall fell.
I included Alsfeld in the story since it was right next to the "Fulda Gap." In the 1980's, NATO expected the Soviet Union Army to storm through this gap and sweep through the surrounding countryside, possibly even overpowering the NATO forces (they had 2.5 times the number of troops on their side of the border). And this is what happened in this alternate version of history.
My dad served in Germany during the Cold War. He said the Soviet Union had so many tanks and armored vehicles that when they (the Soviets) maneuvered their forces during training they raised so much dust it darkened the sky. Spooky! 😨
Oct 18, 2022
Outstanding story! There were a few places where I found it difficult to keep track of the characters, but this novel would make an excellent manga or anime. Definitely worth my time to read.👍👍 I look forward to your next work!
Oct 18, 2022
I have to stop reading here and just say, I'm hooked. There's a lot of questions that need answers, and the characters and plot are drawing me into the story.
Onto the next chapter! :)
Oct 04, 2022
Well, I'm sorry to see you go Momentie. You were the first author that greeted me on this site and encouraged me to continue writing. I really appreciate that. Your novel "The Girl He Used To Know" was the first one here I read completely through. Thanks for that, too!😄
I believe you said you were going to publish on Royal Road using your Honeyfeed name, right? What about "Mechanical Girl Una!"? Are you still planning to update that on this site, or are you moving it to Royal Road?
Sep 27, 2022
I'm so glad you made it past the previous chapter, it was darker than most of the others. As you saw, there were some things that followed Jim from his past, like his obligation to a 140+ year-old-project with a dubious outcome. I hope this chapter cleared some of that up. Now, if only Jim can clear his name...😅Thanks for continuing to read!
Sep 26, 2022
Yes, I don't want to give anything away but as we'll see, she seems to have quite a bit of clout. Nakamura is already pretty much running the town of Kimura, as her position at the town council table hints at. She's definitely more than just the company rep. We'll find out more about her soon!