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Hi! I‘m Nika, nice to read ya! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ I like to write cute stories about magic, friendship and adventure! ( ✿ •̀ ‸ •́ ✿ )
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Sep 04, 2023
Ooooohh, he’s going to ask Toren for help! Everything to help Mia. Ahahaha, but poor Toren in the seahorse costume! I had already seen the fanart and wondered what that was about. I think you manage to strike a nice balance between serious and comedic moments. Oh, and a fist fight? Thankfully, Mia comes along before anything bad happens (I hope).
I love how you convey all the tender feelings you in this chapter – and it seems like Madam Claire‘s feelings towards Jun are a bit more complicated than he assumed at first. And what a nice mood you set afterwards with your descriptions! I wonder who is interfering… not just with the fruit trees, but also with everything else! Also, ‘the only thing I managed to shoot was my own pride’ - ouch, poor Roki! The end with the fireball was also very cute.
To:minatika
Aaaaah, thank you so much! I'm stilly behind on replying (I took a few days off the site after the end of the contest) but I'll try to reply to the comments in the following days
Aug 27, 2023
To:Tomoyuki
Thanks for following the story and commenting so far! I'm currently focused on finishing but I'll get back to your comments soon. Just know that I'm happy about your reaction to the last two chapters (does that sound bad? haha) as it's just what I hoped for. These two will have to work a little harder for their happy ending :)
Aug 22, 2023
Nanna certainly is bad at communicating her true feelings. With her, I'm going for more of an 'turning concern into anger' character archetype, but it might be difficult to portray her true intentions without her actual thoughts. Or to make her true intentions a bit more clear. It's another thing I wish to keep in mind when I do a future edit. After all, I wish to communicate my story as clear as possible. Thank you for commenting!
To:hmt5u
Nanna really is also not as good at communicating as she wants to appear to be... I'm glad you picked up on that. Also, I'm trying to also include the upsides her current form has, and flying is a fun one. Thank you for your comment!
Yup, I think we know enough about Nanna to understand why she had been cursed... and that she hasn't learned much yet. Thank you for your comment!
There really seems to be some sort of ‘role conflict’ going on – currently she seems to see him more as her personal attendant than her savior, huh? And that's not what Paltar wants (or should want, haha). Thank you for pointing this out, it really helps me!
Yeah, I think that‘s another good point – I haven‘t really taken the time to explain why both Paltar and Nanna feel this way above this couple, and should have taken more time to explore that. Paltar still feels the sting of his previous life and Nanna has some very different expectations thrown on her regarding love and relationships, but those two points are not that clear from the chapter. Noting it down for my future revision. Same goes for Nanna‘s attitude. I think these few first chapters are lacking some honest conversations between the two, especially since we don‘t see much of her point of view. Thank you for your thoughtful comment!
To:Craftable
Hi! Thank you for reading my story and even commenting on it! I‘m happy to read your thoughts. I was trying to find a good balance between typical isekai elements and my own spin on the genre. I‘m more of an underwriter so I‘m sorry that many details are still a bit under-developed, but I‘m glad you picked up on them.
Aug 12, 2023
Yeah, I wish I had taken the time to make proper character profiles for them instead of just starting to write, I feel like I didnt have the best grasp on them (especially Paltar) when I started. But it's all a learning experience!
This is really insightful, thank you for your comment! You are right, at this point their interactions aren't quite believable. We don't know why Nanna acts this way (and in the current version of the story, we don't find out about that) and Paltar is a bit too patient. I'll think more about it when I properly edit this. Thank you!
Exactly, Paltar has already seen her once - but it's been a long time so it's no surprise he doesn't remember. I think it would help the story to put in more backstory to explain the characters, but it's always a struggle. Thank you for your enthusiastic comment!
To be honest, the idea for the chapter came to me when I was already deeper into the story so I wasn't sure where to put it, but I think between chapters of "falling asleep" and "waking up" as a dream seems appropriate. And yes, I did :D
Haha, you are definitely right! I think it's important to find the balance between fantasy and reality for the story. Thank you for your comments!
