Aug 04, 2022
I'm not gonna explain it too much, but I believe there's a lot of excess details here. You were able to describe your characters well, but I feel like there are some things that you're better off not saying.
For example, instead of telling the audience that Ling is sadistic, it would be better to show it through her dialogue and actions. You also shouldn't reveal too much about your characters, it creates a sense of mystery around them, which makes things more interesting.
The narration is a little weird. It kind of feels like the narrator is an actual person, rather than an omniscient story teller. Why would the narrator be asking questions?
Don't mind my comment too much, just pointing out some of my concerns.
