Oct 06, 2023
In what I assume to be the prologue arc of the novel, I was impressed by the dystopian world you've built up alongside the main character. It showed how interesting Daichi as a character was, a conspiracy theorist brave enough to take on an evil corporation and sacrificing everything for the sake of his goals (to the point where it's totally unhealthy). Like Walker said before, it was a strong start.
When we reached Dominion's Paradise, I enjoyed how you introduced the world to the readers through Daichi's eyes. A fantasy world, with cool character classes, monsters and all he other usual RPG type stuff was something I looked forward to. I also liked the idea of the Summoner class, and how Daichi had to strategize how he was going to use his Pokemon to get through any obstacle.
As the story progressed, things grew spicy with all the characters. I loved the drama, the action, the struggles and the little romance-y teases. The development leading to the final boss was *chef's kiss* in my opinion.
Aaaand forgive me for saying this, but I'm not really a fan of what happens from here on out.
Things were getting interesting with the cat loli, and I expected some sort of big conflict to revolve around her, especially with the way you seemed to imply that she was in danger because of her race. Unfortunately that isn't the case.
The whole cat loli thing doesn't really have much of a purpose in the main story besides giving away a new companion for free instead of having some sort of conflict going on.
Then it just moves on to what I think felt like a forced romance arc made for the sake of sucking up to the contest. In my opinion, this shouldn't have been a romance. I'd rather just let it develop naturally as the fantasy plot progresses.
The world-building started to feel out of place at that point, where it was once Daichi traversing a fantasy land with fantasy-like cities, then we get a rollercoaster. For me, it just feels off. I liked the idea of placing more modern concepts in the dungeons, but it really doesn't sit right with me when basically Disneyland exists in this world. It really takes away the isekai aspect for me.
The reason why I'm ranting about this is because I love the story and I don't want to see it take this path. I really feel like the true soul of this story - or what you truly wanted to write was held back significantly by the "wholesome romance" prompt.
If you really want to push through with this version, be my guest. But if it were me, I'd write what I think is best for the story.
