Dec 23, 2019
Is that a tab I see at the beginning of the opening paragraph… centered text fragment…
Typographer's cringe…
Sorry, anyways, chapter is short and not much happening. You could flesh out the scenes more. The other thing I am seeing is punctuation errors and dialogue could be formatted a bit better to flow from line to line. For example:
“Kokoyami.”
“I wasn’t expecting that. I mean, I know we’re dating but…”
and so on.
I know when it comes to typography sites like this don’t have great typographic features so there is only so much that can be done but a lot can be fixed up like:
"Stop that," she shrieked as I tickled her.
Still, I love a good yuri story even if it is just two girls going at it almost all the time. So, yeah edit and fix the things that need to be fixed and keep writing.