Aug 06, 2022
I'll have to be shorter today. I tore a muscle in my shoulder today and it is hard to type.
This newfound characterization of Maia is something I find very interesting and much more real. I must admit I was under the impression at the first depiction of her character that she could potentially be quite two-dimensional. It's good to see such considerations for character work, though it will become more telling the more substance and time goes into every character. Maia reminds me a lot of myself in highschool, with her sort of social position as the one everyone is scared of and her working a part-time job while in school where that social standing is more divorced from her character.
Her working a part-time job while still in school shows, however, there is a discipline and an amount of self-consciousness (in the archaic definition: consciousness of her self). She may have her troubles, but if I were to extrapolate on her arc another five to ten years, I envision her being a proactive and dedicated woman.
From the start I didn't much like Kiro. I still don't, even though I don't know the depth and breadth of his history yet. He lacks discipline and restraint, even for how young he is, carried about by his passions and minor interests.
The previous chapter shone a light on this, with him being unprepared for the date, spending his time in a careless manner not even showering until he was at the extent of his time limit. Now he is skipping the bus schedule to play NotPoke-MenGo, not paying attention to his surroundings. He is still young and has time to improve, but he is certainly still a boy; not a young man.
Not to mention the condoms. I understand it's better to have it but not need it than to need it and not have it, but Christ's Sake, it shows another level of immaturity when it comes to his ideas on a relationship (even if it is on the advice of his old friend.)
I realize I went a bit longer than I meant to, but this chapter gave me more to say from my personal thoughts on the matter.
So far, in terms of craft and writing style, the story is rather good. I get lost sometimes with the character's movements from place to place and those could use a redraft, perhaps reading them aloud in order to make sure the structure of the sentences is right.
I am impressed with the amount of material that is within each chapter with how small they are, but I feel the pacing is a little bit off and there are only short amount of times to 'get your breath back' between arc-point to arc-point. Though, that is my subjective feeling; I rather enjoy thick, fine print books that grant rather sweeping amounts of detail so I can better envision the world.
One more thing, about Kiro's Father: I'm thinking that there may be something in my mind that points to him only superficially being a good father. Sure, he keeps up with Kiro's appointments, attempts affection that his son dodges, being cheerful towards his son; things of that nature. And these things are very important, however, that is only a minor part of a father's role. Seeing Kiro's lack of will, I wonder if Richard is one of those fathers that turns a blind eye to the things that would engender weakness within his child.
I know, I know, I sound rather harsh. And, yes, it can be harsh. But it reminds me of an American Dad episode that actually had something of substance to say for once: "Friends don't have to worry about discipline or setting an example. It's easy to be a friend, that's why kids have lots of them. But a Father. Our kids only get one of those. Who are we to take that away from them?"
Richard, from what little I have seen of him thus far, seems to be trying to make friends with Kiro instead of being his father.
It's kind of sad to see, but in all likely hood, I'm reading way too deep into the actions of these characters.
There's something to be said about the subconscious dream, the unrealized knowledge we have about something.
I apologize again for the long comment, the heavy final note and the rambling nature of this comment. There was much for me to say and it took this amount of time to say it.
Keep up the good work, I'm starting to gain an appreciation for what may lay beneath. I am still unsure as to how much I like the story, but I am becoming rather interested in the psychology of it, the unspoken messages and lessons beneath it all.
Alright, Alright, I need to stop or else I'll find more to harp on.
