Jan 21, 2025
I said a long time ago that I'd give you some criticism, and the reason why I didn't do it is because I didn't know how? I know it sounds weird but at the time it felt like critiquing the aesthetics of a banana taped to a wall, and I don't mean that as a good or bad thing, just showing how... I don't know, nebulous? I found your writing at the time.
Now I've read a few stories from you and have come to understand your style more, I'll TRY to give closing thoughts, but this might not be the usual end-of-story chonkerpost.
Obviously if I didn't like your writing, I wouldn't be a regular reader. I think what keeps me coming back is the apparent disregard for convention, as in, how stories have a certiain "formula" to them, three act structure, hero's journey, yadda yadda. I mean, it's cool that we're able to condense and order stories in familiar packages for people to consume and appreciate, but it's also... boring? When stories follow these guidelines too much, they feel like templates with minimal editing. I think the beauty of sites like these is that so much creativity is let loose by the freedom of posting what you want, how you want it, without having to woo publishers or whatever.
With that said, while it's something I really enjoy, I also have to wonder if that works for the purposes of this contest. In some stories, events just kind of happen with no rhyme, reason or spice, and to be honest I kind of felt that from your past entries, but this one had more of a connective tissue, which is to say, the baggage from Irina and Hana more than anyone else. In past stories I've read characters just kind of do random XD stuff and then the story just ends. I think that this is a significant improvement, which is why I like this story the most from you so far.
I thought the characters were a lot of fun. Some of them took longer to get meaningful development than others, but they worked in their role and they feel like real people within the context of the story, especially Irina. That said, the way Hana and Irina's stories concluded was... disappointing? What happened with Hana's parents was so anticlimactic. I get it's a zany silly story, but you built genuine emotional buildup around them, only to end in a punchline. I don't know, it didn't land at all for me. Her and Irina kissed once and it was basically forgotten about, and I find it hard to believe that Meredith would basically waste her life to apologize. I don't know, I was having a lot of fun with the story and then the last few chapters just fll flat for me. In the past I wouldn't have minded the silliness, but... yeah. No, sorry.
With that said, while it was a really big issue for me, it was also the only one. Otherwise, it was a chill read, and I think you delivered on what it was set out to do. I laughed and had a good time, and even if the climax was underwhelming, the ending was sweet nonetheless.
The last thing that's not really a criticism but moreso personal belief is that this world sounds like a borderline dystopia. People seem kind of distant and disconnected, art is meaningless if anyone can do it with no effort or outright is obsolete (rip culinary arts if anyone can basically manifest gourmet meals into existence or musicians if you just need to follow a prompt to 'save' your performance), people 'download' reactions and responses, among other things. I don't know, it's a very scary future to imagine. We have no scarcity of resources, but now there's scarcity of soul and meaning. It's nice that Hana and Irina have escaped that nightmare, but how about everyone else? It legit sounds like the kind of setting where a revolutionary soul would cause a revolution to wake up the sheeple or whatever. What was your creative vision with this world out of curiosity?
