Jan 15, 2025
aight here it goes
I said no more chonkerposts this contests but this one deserves one I think
To start with the positives, this was a REALLY solid last chapter, honestly one of my favorites in the 2024-2025 honeyverse. To some degree, it might've been because this had more time for polish than, let's face it, a lot of us mfs writing (literally) two minutes before the deadline. In general I think it was a pretty easy read, even though it took a bit of getting used to for reasons I'll get into later. I really enjoyed a couple of characters, namely Maya and Elise, and the concept of 'uploading' humans, though I never really understood how they present physically, exactly? scifi logic I guess idk man they have near instant interstellar travel who cares
To some degree this might've been because of the sheer amount of glazing this story got on discord, but I can't help feeling like there's SOMETHING lacking. I don't know. It's technically competent, it has a clear beginning and ending, it has character arcs and rising action and themes and yadda yadda but... ykno. I mean, maybe you do, because I sure don't.
When it comes to Lena, I found that reading about her was like watching a trainwreck multiple times on repeat, but as the story went on, my interest in her kind of waned. By the end, it was aight, but when what happened happened I didn't really feel because she... had it coming? And it didn't feel like a Black Swan-esque situation (which this reminded me the most of tbh) but moreso somebody going NU-UH until they quite literally couldn't do it anymore. It was hard to stay invested in her plight because of how preventable the whole issue felt. If a kid yells for ice cream, annoying everyone else at the park until her parents finally buys her some, telling her to eat it slowly and stay put while she does, only for her to drop it immediately because she broke out running, am I supposed to feel bad when she slips on the ice cream ball? Or laugh?
I think my main issue is that a lot of the characters felt like they did and said things so the story could happen rather than the story happening because of what they said and did, and since Lena is the mc, this was most obvious around her. By the end she seemed like a non-entity to me, ironically enough, which leads me to Caden.
He was also getting glazed so I expected a dreamy robot malewife, and like... I guess that's technically true? But he just kind of felt like c.ai with a body. He was such a non-presence outside of giving unsubtle exposition/foreshadowing about Lena that the cover almost seems to mock me. This is purely me a me thing so don't mind it too much, but based on the synopsis and the COVER I expected the romance to be more prevalent. These two had absolutely 0 chemistry to me, sorry. He was an expo-dumping walking plot device who keept running around looking for aloe vera while she kept slamming her hand into the stove and then crying about it hurting. Honestly? That goes for basically every single other character. In fact, to some degree, Lena's relationship with EVERYONE is so similar that I really feel like this weighed down characterization in general. Caden and her could've been an interesting dynamic if they'd shared a single conversation that wasn't a) lena stop being stupid b) ur robot but ur post irony!??!?!?!?! c) alas, we are astra-crossed. EEhhHH idk. I'd be lying if I said the last few chapters didn't have me saying 'ok but were the fuck is caden' though, if only because I yearned to see something organic between them, yes pun but no innuendo intended.
As is, while I understand it wasn't the point point of the story, the "romance" feels like such an afterthought I almost feel scammed. Still, I won't say you could've taken it off and the story wouldn't have changed, because the --> ending <-- would've.
Something I did like but which I'm not sure if it was intentional was how there's this air of inevitability around the world at large (excluding Lena she's a dumbass). Like, sure, what happened near the end involved the main characters, but it could've really happened to somebody else if you get it. If not due to Lena and Caden (sorry Margot I forgot you exist until now but I'll give u a honorary mention here), the big conspiracies and whatnot would've eventually come to light anyway... though I still don't get why Caden's company thing did what it did? For Science(TM)? I don't know, with the word limit and how we got less than 3 months to finish, it could've been a dropped plot point. Heaven knows there's a lot of them. Still, it might not be a popular choice but I'm a fan of these sorts of stories where the world moves on and life is tough and then we keep living. Cosmic indifference is based.
Back to characters, I liked Elise and Maya. Kiko, Pipo (i had to) and Mr. MaSquez were 'lena don't be stupid' machines and/or props, but Elise especially had something going for her. Her whole cuntiness-to-hide-an-inferiority-complex thing she had going on was pretty charming, and I got the feeling that she was drowning, could never reach the surface, and would never get help, and the thing is... does that improve? Does it, really? Or is she drowning forever but swimming to the light? Another story would've just had her suddenly become da bestest evar, but I liked what you did with her. Maya was just cute overall. Kyuuu.
I used to think I was a themes first, then prose, then characters kind of lad, but I've seen a few entries where themes muddy everything else. I'm not sure if this is one of them, but while it's pretty solid overall, I'm not sure if I enjoyed it that much, again, because characterization was aight save for one character (Maya is kyuuute but that's about it) and the world-building wasn't particularly interesting or innovative despite this being a futuristic setting where uploaded societies span the entire galaxy, if not more. That's a common problem so I won't harp on it too much, but I mean... the sky isn't even the limit anymore. Why does the world feel so contemporary? So small?
If I had disliked it then I obviously wouldn't have basically read it in two sittings, it just had a 'something' lacking that made it miss for me. Sorry. I can understand why other people salivate for it, though. It wouldn't surprise me at all if this made it to finals or beyond.
If it does, I demand an Elise spinoff.
