Apr 12, 2026
Ok i think my criticisms stay until the end, which is unfortunate, because the beginning and the ending are probably the best I've read for you so far. Like I've mentioned before, sometimes it feels as though your stories tend to falter two thirds of the way through, especially your horny romantasy, and I'm beginning to think that you don't see the forest for the trees. As in, the beats for a grand payoff are there, but not necessarily the execution.
Honestly, for this one, I felt like Akira was all over the place personality wise. I'm relatively certain that it's supposed to be intentional, but I wasn't a fan of the stereotypical heartthrob turning into a wishy-washy mess while the s-s-s-s-stuttering shy girl becomes strong and independent or whatever. This is probably the biggest offender of what I mentioned above when it comes to ideas vs. execution. I get the reverse arc and it's cool, but it kind of makes both of their personalities flakey. Hayami's girlbossification worked at the beginning, because like I said, it REALLY feels like a 2000s shoujo for the first third or so in the best way possible. I feel like the whole uncle thing could've worked, but some of the narration felt cartoony and her family felt like a plot device or something to make her sympathetic. They're all means to an end, but since they were so unrealistic, I didn't really care about that plotline, which probably contributed to my mixed feelings on the way she developed based on it.
The 'we can't be together feel' did hit near the end, which was nice, but I feel like I was rooting for the couple I knew from the pre-uncle arc era, idk. If the story had just developed that way, it would've been one of my faves of the contest. I kinda felt the same way with the slutty romantasy before the whole insane bird shit.
A lot of scenes are pretty good in a vacuum, as usual. I like most of the ideas, and I like the "vibe" in general. The last few chapters really spiked up in quality imo, which might just be me not liking the f*mily arc, but idk. My favorite thing overall was probably the "I'll remember you for longer than I've known you". Line goes HARD. (I will steal it).
I can see how this is your "main" entry, though, because it really felt more ambitious.
I'd keep yapping but my lunch break ended lesgoo
