Jun 14, 2023
I'm gonna keep memein, but for this chapter I'll give some feedback. So far, I think your biggest problem is dialogue. The beginning felt like a PSA, and I didn't get feel much attraction between the main characters. Also, him info dumping info about her after spending hundreds of words talking about basketball was kind of funny (and something I could see someone doing tbh) but I'm not sure if her being an afterthought was intentional, especially after his reaction at the texts. Furthermore, a lot of the prose seems to consist of him thinking about how boring class is, how much he's waiting for it to end, and if it's going to be happening every chapter it's just... I get it. I got.
Looking forward to see more characterization from Keith and Jessica, hopefully through interactions.