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Lihinel

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Your Friendly Neighborhood Cuddle-Fish.

registered at: May 13, 2023

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aaa

Jun 10, 2023

Wait, is the last sentence an idiom I am unaware of, or did she really pass out?

The Love of My Life, Miss Workaholic!

Chapter:6

Jun 10, 2023

Something feels a bit off to me, but can't really put it into words. Maybe ask some of the more veteran people on discord to give you some feedback.

Also, did you say that you were overhauling chapters 1 and 2?
Sorry I am currently reading a number of other works too and I am not sure if I remember right, or got you confused with someone else.

Love in Real Life Game

Chapter:3

Jun 10, 2023

No, not Mr./Ms. Bunny!

Maniavolution

Chapter:9

Jun 09, 2023

I like the chemistry, between them.
That, and the fairy abuse.

Grace Dances Upon the Clouds

Chapter:3

Jun 09, 2023

Sucks for Keith, but I guess he'll manage smh...

Would You Paint My Dunk

Chapter:7

Jun 08, 2023

And we got ourselves the obligatory promotional campaign collaboration item.
The realism in this is killing me.

Maniavolution

Chapter:8

Jun 08, 2023

So the mc and the grandfather have some backstory, and and gong by the reaction, it ain't pretty. Nice setup.

The Love of My Life, Miss Workaholic!

Chapter:5

Jun 08, 2023

Was it K-On, or was it Haruhi that had (?maid?) costumes in it?
Maybe I am misremembering... it think Haruhi was a Bunny girl costumes.
Anyway, that's what the band reminded me of, the MC being the producer isn't all that new (Kongming comes to mind) but I like it so far.

The Nerd's Love for the Popular Girl's Secret Indie Band

Chapter:1

Jun 08, 2023

To:Pernodi

In this case it might be worth adding some info, that it was in fact that kind of mark given out by the big d.
Of course only if you want the reader to be sure about her cicumstances.
It works as a little mystery too, I guess.

On the run with a witch from another world

Chapter:2

Jun 08, 2023

To:Pernodi

I think it got clearer when you read the later chapters and know that there is an actual devil, but I thought she might have been isekaied and it was a missunderstandng. Kinda like how some endtimers identitfy anything with the mark of the beast. (Bar codes, tatoos, chip implants, etc.)

On the run with a witch from another world

Chapter:2

Jun 08, 2023

To:Pernodi

Yeah the balance can be hard.

It needs to feel action-like/hectic/frantic and not too stretched out and boring, but you don't want to make it to cut too much either, or the reader won't be able to follow.

On the run with a witch from another world

Chapter:5

Jun 08, 2023

Ah, I see, she is going for the classical science victory.
(Don't tell Gandhi, or he'll send the nukes.)

Enchanted by a Witch From a Realm Called Earth

Chapter:3

Jun 08, 2023

To:Pernodi

I feel you, I have the same problem of the romance not being really in there just yet.

Nice detailed fight scene btw.

On the run with a witch from another world

Chapter:5

Jun 08, 2023

Nice cliffhanger. Maybe you could indeed reorder ch 4, but I liked the slow progression so far.

On the run with a witch from another world

Chapter:4

Jun 08, 2023

Did I miss it, or do you explain if the devil's brand is a tatoo, or a 'real' brnad?

Also, good choice starting with the action and keep the exposition for this second chapter.

On the run with a witch from another world

Chapter:2

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