Jun 24, 2023
Same grammar issues as with part 1.
You might also want to think about adding some behavior and actions to your dialog to support it and show more of the characters feelings.
Instead of nothing or just
'xyz said, "quote about something that weights heavy on the character."'
consider something like
'xyz took a deep breath, "quote about something that weights heavy on the character," they sighed slightly.'
However, this is just a suggestion based on feedback I got for my stuff early on. I mentioned it because you show the same writting pattern. Feel free to ignore it.
