GoneSoSoon

GoneSoSoon

I'm scared of staircases.

registered at: May 25, 2023
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    Published Novel Level 2
    Published Chapter Level 6
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    Participant - MAL x Honeyfeed Writing Contest 2023


    Jun 28, 2024

    To:Mo

    'king's to me/to you' is indeed a reference, but to the 2002 film adaptation. (still waiting on a localisation for the new french adaptation...)

    This whole chapter had three purposes. The first was to introduce the merchant, Monroe, the Lord of Ried (an incredibly important figure) and also to first foreshadow one of the greatest solo antagonists of the novel, not belonging to an organisation.

    This antagonist was themed after the omnipresence that Amon exhibits in LOTM, one of my favourite antagonists to date simply because of his neverending proximity.

    There are reasons for it being so, but what could be scarier to discover that every person, man woman and child, is the hostage of monsters lurking within their shadow? If one had control of these beasts, could they not only snap their fingers and kill the entire world?

    The reason he sees these creatures when others cant is first explained a few chapters later, i think. I just thought it was cool to introduce them so suddenly. This is the moment he truly entered the magical world, and so the unknown become apparent due to the gift of insight from the Great Lord known as the Sinner.

    Every man has been a soldier, apart from those with religious or noble affiliations. That means Monroe, a man who came out of war with cunning and connections. One of those connections, a future side character with close proximity to the MC is how Monroe seeks his wealth. This requires ruthlessness, a determination born from the sea of blood wrought from flesh during war.

    I don't know when it is explained, but 'inconsistencies' are the product of that directly related to a Deity in the mortal realm. One of these inconsistencies often seen is a rabbit, signaling the proximity of a beast, like the one he first fought after signing the Deity's contract. Because the MC is the product of a Deity, being a Beacon, he naturally causes inconsistencies and draws danger towards him. That was why blood fell from the eyes of the statue, just a perversion of reality being the product of his unconscious influence over natural order.

    I'm happy you've been enjoying it thus far. I appreciate your insights as always! ^^

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    1
    Sinner of the Spades
    Sinner of the Spades
    Chapter:21

    Jun 24, 2024

    To:Mo

    it's funny you mention Etta and Artis Faulkner in the same sentence lol.

    Lumiere's life is a history of strange occurrences, which is why he's a 'magnet' for those sorts of things, especially mentioned by a future character who grows suspicious of him in that regard. Of course, there are detrimental plot reasons for that, but I want to slowly build up that mystique and mystery behind why he could be so out of his own depth in so many different ways. My favourite part of act 2 that I'm not sure I pulled off well is how thin he is stretched as a person dealing with so many lies and problems at once, so I hope you'll pay attention to that going in.

    To him, the idea that he can move forward with his goals comes to clash with the human heart, empathy he has learned and adopted towards others, slowly having to cut down his idea of 'important people' to make his own goals seem feasible. The more and more he cuts away, the less he feels like Lumière Croft, his base personality, and the more he falls into alternate identities, furthering his inclination to madness. For him, it is a tightrope balance of his aspirations and his present mental state.

    Chasing solely the future, known to all who tempt fate, is a suicidal endeavour, and he is a man on a narrow path.

    Thank you for reading so far! I hope you've been enjoying the rewrite. I read and noted your criticisms and tips in the last comment, and will take it into consideration moving forward. For a lot of the things you mentioned, it can be boiled down to the fact that I'm still very much a novice and have a lot of learning to do. But there's also the fact that recently, I've been deciding on what kind of style I want to imitate when I write. I think for stuff like YHHM, I want to be very descriptive and pretty in the way I word things, but when it comes like this, I want to be somewhat general and to the point. However, I don't want that to be a detriment to the only thing I think I'm somewhat good at-descriptions. I'm slowly trying to find a balance between the two and I hope it won't bother you too much until then. ^^

    As always, thank you so much for your input and thoughts! I appreciate them wholeheartedly!

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    1
    Sinner of the Spades
    Sinner of the Spades
    Chapter:19



    Jun 05, 2024

    To:Mo

    ok im home now i can talk more in depth, but for the most part you ask questions that are answered later on because either you're too smart or i'm too shallow of a writer so i'll only answer what could be offered author's insight. 😎

    i dont know if its answered later on or not, but in a world where three majour deities have precedence in following/believers, outlier deities have to struggle to be observed. They all take to creating 'beacons', a carrier of their innate abilities whose sole purpose is to be observed while showing off the strength of the deity. To evil deities, this equates to making a supervillain. The mc becomes one such figure, a Beacon of The Sinner. To the contract's extent, this is partly the truth behind it, but it is further eluded to by the Attendant of the Sinner, Thomas Hawthorne, that The Sinner has a much larger plan/conspiracy underway that they as mortals can't possibly comprehend. Even the emissary, a being larger than a planet who serves two Lords, the Sinner and the Dreamer, cannot think to understand the massive plot of this evil deity. The mc, to an extent, is expected to be part of this plot. However, he internally contextualises this as something that is far in the future, and in the nearer future, he has gained a path to his goal to change the world's innate imbalance. The inspiration for this state of mind, and his character as a larger whole, was Lelouch Vi Britannia from Code Geass, a normal man who gains abilities and chooses to fix the world. I guess that means to a larger extent, and is certainly an influence in later chapters, that Paul Atreides from the Dune novels is also a big influence in his actions and character. My intention is to create the world's villain who has the best intentions.

    As for his 'pathway', that's explained next. The first 'fifteen' chapters you read initially took place prior to him receiving any power, so most of the explanations relating to the magic system as a whole/the other domains of power are later on. ^.^

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    1
    Sinner of the Spades
    Sinner of the Spades
    Chapter:2