Feb 11, 2025
Few words of advice for you.
First, this is just a platform thing, but generally web novel chapters are way shorter. The guidelines for the current competition actually recommend ~1500 words per chapter, and if I had to guess this is probably four times that. I’d seriously suggest splitting this up into several chapters to make it more digestible for the ADHD-riddled reader base that is webnovel fans
Second, using text speak like shortening “you” to “u” and “really” to “rly” reads as unprofessional at best and completely jarring at worst. Same goes for the multiple question marks and the like. Even in WN format it’s best to follow convention with stuff like this. I could say the same about the stuttering in the internal monologue, but that’s more of a creative choice.
The biggest issue I had reading through this chapter, however, was the pacing. It feels like stuff just keeps happening and then moving straight on with very little coherence, which is not helped by the complete lack of scene breaks. Not a lot of advice I could give for this other than slow down, actually give your scenes time to breathe, and for the love of god mark your scene transitions.
Other than that, just proofread a little more. Quite a few spelling and grammar mistakes here, like “Kaarage” instead of “Karaage.” This is especially important in your first chapter. Most of the time, if someone reads your opening and it’s riddled with spelling/grammar mistakes, they’re not gonna spend their time on it when they could read something else
