Feb 19, 2025
You wanted some feedback, so my biggest issue is that I am uncertain about Sayuri's age. Given that your style seems to take roundabout ways of saying things like age and occupation, if you aren't going to explicitly state her age, it needs to be consistent.
Vet? Starting high school? Using the term 'crack it'. 'Crack it' is more of a British phrase, which suggests, based on the high school comment, 12-13. However, I doubt she would be a vet/pet groomer at that age, so I suspect she must be using the American/Japanese style. So, I'm finding a dissonance regarding her speech and age/locality. Perhaps find another way of saying 'open a window'.
Other than that minor issue, I like how you have styled this story. I like the characters and look forward to further chapters :)
