Oct 21, 2025
Alright, I am following your wishes and skipping everything between chapter 1 and this chapter. This is despite my own concerns about doing so.
Already, I have no idea what is going on… Arena? What arena? Why are we in an arena? It sounds like an interesting concept with the flesh and stuff, but I have no idea why we are here or how. I also have no idea who the villain is and who the hero is, reading this from the end of chapter one.
Skin crawling with red energy is a weird phrasing.
I have no idea why Riyaku is here. His veins bursting open is not clear why this wouldn’t kill him. I get from chapter one something about him being the tyrant of blood, but I have no idea why his veins bursting wouldn’t just kill him.
Fast Reflexes power? What? Is this the name of a unique power or just a description? It is unclear. I’d probably change droplets, since it doesn’t sound as threatening as it is meant to be.
“Scared already, are we?” is not really what I would consider natural dialogue here.
Eyes locked probably could be better explained. Expand upon this with some more action. As it is, this is just tact on, with little contribution to the broader context of the battle.
Why are some things bolded and others not? Are these the attack names? It is unclear.
“aww, someone made me bleed…” Dialogue is a little bit too monologue. You could tighten it. Also weird that he says 'someone' and then specifically refers to the broader implications of Hiroshi’s blood.
Before Hiroshi’s eyes… this bit could be tightened. To make it a bit more dynamic. ‘As he spoke, the wound closed up,’ or something, might make the action a bit more vivid.
You keep using the word beautiful, and I don’t really get why, without any context, this may be explained, but I dunno.
There are just a lot of random sentences that feel… I don’t know how to say this. Bad. Like … not with victory, but with resolve.
Everything from here, you lost me:
What’s the Ring! (after the Tyrant?) Again, no context skipping chapters. Who are these people? What the hell is the HRA? Why are they here or relevant?
Who is Shinzo?
They already recognise him and then come back to him to say ‘It is you’ afterwards… what? I’m actually lost.
Look, it’s better than the first chapter. But a cool fight does not equal a good story. I have no idea who these characters are, their motives or if they are good or bad. You also can’t expect anyone to stay around for a dynamic fight if the first chapters leave you lost and confused. I honestly can’t give too much feedback on characters or motives, and following it out of the blue is messy.
The fight is fine, but it needs to be tidied a bit, and you really need to work before you even get here for anything to truly land.
I wish you good luck.
