Jun 07, 2023
Despite using the typical amnesia MC trope, the way you approach it isn't bad at all. As others have mentioned, the uniqueness of his voice brings some intrigue.
Is there anything wrong with your writing? Not really, on a basic level. Are there things that you can do to make it stand out more? Of course.
You could definitely lean harder on the the unique voice, which seems to be the selling point so far. Some bits of narration could be a bit punchier. There is a bit glossing over in certain places where it could stand out more, like the opening drama and the short fight where he suddenly pulls off a strange move (that isn't really detailed).
Overall, it's not a bad start. I wouldn't mind continuing as I'm intrigued enough.
