Ćunfre / Comments

Ćunfre

"Ma kakav bio moj rodni prag,
on mi je ipak mio i drag.
Prost je i skroman, ali je moj,
tu sam slobodan i gazda svoj.
To samo hulje, nosi ih vrag,
za ručak daju svoj rodni prag!" 🇷🇸

Roughly translated:

"However humble my home may be,
it remains dear and cherished by me.
Plain and modest, yet it is my own,
where I am free, where I am alone.
Only fools, may they be cursed,
would trade their roots for when hunger comes first!"

Branko Ćopić - Ježeva Kućica

registered at: Dec 10, 2024

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aaa

Dec 22, 2024

To:Deleted User

Thank you for checking my story out and im glad you think its cool :)

I would love to hear more of your thoughts, feedback and of course criticism, if you decide to continue reading ^^

The World Doesn't Change So Easily

Chapter:1

Dec 21, 2024

I love how you built up the world, it felt like i was right there. My favorite part was Vanessa as a character, i love how brutal and unforgiving she is, it comes naturally with the world and i dislike how in post-apocalyptic settings often stories have these perfetcly good mcs. I also think you made her really likeable despite how brutal she is. I think the first person narration is especially good. It's also great that you didnt make her comepletely evil, we still root for her, she wants to help her brohter and she rejected the mother not out of pure sadism but because it was a scam. She is already layered and a bit of complex character in just 3 chapters. Great work!

Apocalypse Punk

Chapter:3

Dec 20, 2024

To:lolitroy

Thank you❤️

I'm rooting for you too! I'm not saying that just out of courtesy, I genuinely enjoyed reading your works. I love your sense of humor and especially the characters in Cat girls Philosophizing on the moon, with their silly quirks and their dynamic with each other.

Also scrolling through your comments on your profile, you are a real legend for reading so many works of others, commenting and amongst the jokey comments also giving serious constructive criticism without being mean. I wish I had the stamina to read as much as you

The World Doesn't Change So Easily

Chapter:11

Dec 20, 2024

To:lolitroy

Roy is very annoying😂, although a lot of the crew is annoying in their own ways ;)

As for the critique, I have to agree with it. I really wanted to make the tragedies that their families went through to feel like real events, similar to many cold war nations that were caught in the crossfire. To make this alt-history world feel more 'alive' and like real history with these made up nations and colonies and the crash of 1970. and so on. And yes I did imagine it in my head before putting the scene to paper exactly like those scenes in tournament arcs where we get backstories that you mentioned. I was trying to quickly write the story for the deadline and I didn't think of a better solution on how to construct the scene when it was time for it to be written. I didn't really consider how it would play out in written form i only saw it in my head as an anime. In anime as you said when we see the backstories we have music and visuals so it works out better, here it is very heavy handed with the multi-paragraph monologues. You gave me a lot to think about for my future writing. I have to take much more into consideration scene structures that work differently for other mediums, although this story does have its info dumpy moments... Maybe the word limits for the competition actually help me because they stop me from going out of control with the exposition😅

I really appreciate you continuously reading my story and for your thoughtful feedback and criticism. It truly means a lot, I always smile when i see your likes and comments in my notifications ^^

The World Doesn't Change So Easily

Chapter:11

Dec 20, 2024

To:obliviousbushtit

What?😂

The World Doesn't Change So Easily

Chapter:5

Dec 19, 2024

To:lolitroy

The plot thickens😂

The World Doesn't Change So Easily

Chapter:10

Dec 18, 2024

I wanted to check out what else you wrote, it was a really bizzare read😂

It felt like reading a really weird 80s anime OVA. I would say I felt a bit lost at points, it felt like things were moving too quickly and I wasnt sure where we were going. I saw you had a word limit of 7500 so that's probably the reason. Despite the somewhat confusing moments it was an interesting read, it felt like a of stream of conciousness and it certainly seems like a very personal work. Freeflowing, creative and kind of moving in the end, 'memories hold me captive'.

I also think your writing improved with cat girls philosophizing on the moon ^^
I feel like the dialogue was more natural and had better flow in your subsequent work, but thats just me :)

the color of shattered dreams

Chapter:6

Dec 18, 2024

'He went to jail because that's what happens when you commit atrocities, unless you are a politician'

Too close to home with that one😂

the color of shattered dreams

Chapter:3

Dec 17, 2024

To:Steward McOy

I guess I will imagine it taking place in some kind of (hopefully near) future😁

As for the reading spree, since i had a backlog of chapters pilled up I thought I would take a break from writing, and give what other people on the site are writing a look

Sincere Pretenses

Chapter:4

Dec 17, 2024

A really great short story! I loved how you switched POVs from chapter to chapter, you manage to go through a lot of complex emotions in such a short time. The story feels really sincere and almost personal, the message has a lot of power. It beatifully explores the messiness of young love and relationships. The ending was so sweet, despite how dark it is in the beginning it feels so uplifting in the end. I hope everything went great for the two girls.

The only thing i dont like, it kind of broke my immersion, was the scene in chapter 1 when Shizuka yells to the boy who is hitting on Collete the thing about trans men and girls in relationships, it was kind unrealistic how the guy just said he was sorry. Maybe you wanted the setting to be a world free of homophobia but it just kind of felt too fantastical that he didnt have a negative reaction to that statement. Especially since the story is set in Japan. I found that scene hard to believe.

Still i think it is a near perfect story given how short it is and how much emotions we go through as readers. I felt attached to Shizuka and Collette and i excitedly flipped the chapters in anticipation on how the conffession was going to play out! You also naturally waved in the message about pride without it feeling preachy.

The cover art is also on point with the story!

Sincere Pretenses

Chapter:4

Dec 16, 2024

To:Pope Evaristus

It is very creative! It feels original and moves in unexpected directions, like you diving into the Molasses story mid chapter and jumping between time periods

And I Feel Fine

Chapter:3

Dec 16, 2024

To:Steward McOy

I dont think there is anything wrong with the drawing itself. Her desing is distinctive, i wouldnt mistake her for anybody else. She is running and carrying the suitcase, it is appealing and its a great way to draw us in. Looking at it closely I think the main issue is probably the font, it gives off a very cutesy fun vibe.

Sorry if i am going too deep into this, I know this is a writing competition and not a drawing competition(plus the whole 'you shouldn't judge a book by its cover'). I just cant help but appreciate and enjoy cover arts of books, dvd boxes, albums and so on. It is a bit of a fixation of mine. :)
I think covers are a cool way to set up a vibe and a feeling! Again the drawing is well drawn and her design is great. I think the font, its color and the bubble arround it is what creates the tonal whiplash (just my opinion! plus covers arent really super important that much, especially if you have a good story, and so far i think you do!)

Neko Nuke Nightmare

Chapter:0

Dec 16, 2024

To:Hype

I understand the choice, it is difficult to make it not too chaotic especially with your story and the 4 protagonists who are always together from the start and the ramen guy is right there too in chapter 1. Not to mention the short chapter lenght requitement of the competition. It was by no means a dealbreaker, I just found it odd. If the intention was for it to avoid feeling chaotic and to be always clear who is speaking, i think it does succed in that :)

Usagi Days (Space Orcs Destroyed the Earth So Let's Deliver Packages in a Pink Kei-Car)

Chapter:7

Dec 16, 2024

It's a great opening chapter! The only thing I found strange was the cutesy cover art and when I started reading it was all doom, gloom, war... I honestly thought I had missclicked😂, still a great opening chapter and a great hook with the death of the protagonist.

Neko Nuke Nightmare

Chapter:0

Dec 16, 2024

I like how the story is about the future just as much as it is about the present in a way. With the oversaturation of ai generated art and why experiencing art by an actual person is important

And I Feel Fine

Chapter:6