Aug 13, 2020
Hiyaaa,
Beautiful continuation from the prologue. I loved it, loved the characters and their dynamic, as well as the way her confusion was portrayed. The accident is mysterious enough to warrant a further read, I'm hooked!
A couple issues I've had, though: the writing feels a little robotic at times. There are a lot of 'said's in quick succession that become bothersome, and the dialogue is a bit unpolished. You can drop the big, overly eloquent sentences. They're kids and doctors explaining situations to kids, it's natural they're making it easy to understand. *Also, if you don't want to repeat stuff just use 'this' or 'that', pronouns not weird words like 'fluid.'*
I loved the dynamic between the two sisters. Caring, loving and a good, solid foundation for a relationship to be explored later on. And they had a cute moment at the beginning, with the 'bear-hugs' to further underline their sisterhood.
However, at first read I had a hard time discerning between her and Bonnie? Are they the same person, since I recall there being only 3 kids in the beginning, so...? Am I missing something? It might be so because it's late here, so sorryyyy.
But anyway, good chapter, needs a little bit of polish (you misspelt some things and straight up ate some letters), but it's a great hook for the story! I hope we see some intrigue soon.
Yours truly,
Bubbles <3
