Sep 14, 2021
Hiho.
It's time. The omegapat.
I will begin by commending the attention to detail you had put into creating this story. From the symbolism surrounding the flowers and their pervasiveness, to the way hints were dropped throughout the novel to egg us towards the conclusion. It was truly a well-thought out story, so I extend to you the first omegapat, for the total of one.
Characters truly shine in this novel, in spite of what I will say later on. They each have a certain je ne sais quoi in their dialogue that paints them in a delicious, unique light. From Dolly's uncertain inner monologue to Netty's rambunctious expletives, from Lewis' erratic Rise-simping to Runo's calculated, cold glares, it is impressive how a gallery of characters can sound so different, yet still be nothing but monsters at the end of the day. And for that, your omegapat counter increases.
Now it's time for the sweating.
For the most part the fight scenes felt extraneous. Whilst some of them revealed certain details, I feel like most, if not all of them, could've been either shortened, cut or otherwise handled so that they didn't take as much space as they did. I believe their size was what made other aspects of your story feel deafened and muted and I pity that. Especially, since the fights could've been used to do so much more and at the end of the day I look back at them to find them being nothing but padding for the most part.
As for the reveals, hinted or not, the second the curtain dropped I didn't gasp, I didn't shudder, I didn't wince nor cry nor laugh nor smile. The execution, unfortunately, fell flat in several aspects. The build-ups were lackluster and rushed, as if it felt more important to explain other elements with 'priority' than set a certain atmosphere that would cement the impression. Many actions passed by without any meaning, the world is very much a blur to me, at some point I can say that things happened just for the sake of the plot. Many actions, whilst being called back on, kind of plain didn't make any sense. Runo, in particular, seems like a complete wasted opportunity. He attacked Miranda and Marinette for whatever reason, kept close to Netty for whatever reason, saved Dolly to be 'nice', kept with Lewis for whatever reason, disposed of Netty after fixing her for whatever reason. The flashback only raised more questions than it answered, whereas you'd have expected the 'way things happened' to kind of tie everything together. And whilst everyone was accounted for, it was unfortunately flat.
The storytelling is, although, the highest detractor on a story I ultimately came to enjoy. It pains me because it could've been much better. A pacing that didn't felt like it sprinted towards the finish line. Emotions that could've been louder, reflection and meditation that could've been superbly cast against the desolate backgrounds, characters whose relationships and tensions remained pervasive through active mentions (blatant mistrust, hesitation, continuous, overwhelming doubts in spite of well-mannered responses), not just several mentions of 'I don't know why I feel this way' from Dolly. If she truly had morsels of her memory swimming through her fractured mind, then whatever happened should've felt at the very least preordained and hopeless.
Dolly had a goal, right? Halfway through she just seems to forget it. We spend a total of what...7-9 chapters at the hideout in what I can only assume to be less than a week, when everything goes down. As smart as the conclusion is, the steps leading to it are kind of...clumsy. And it might be blunt and mean-spirited to say, but this could've been better.
But, still, for what it's worth, you receive another magical omegapat for the effort you put in. Given the circumstances it was a tremendous and valiant effort. And I've enjoyed reading how a troubled scientist trapped in the body of an android tries to scour Earth for meaning. And whilst it could've been splendid and resounding, I smile at what it is because it's just right and just enough.
Good job, Pearlyn. Very good job. Until we meet again...
Kind regards,
Bubbles.
P.S.: If you come crying in my DMs I will give you a hidden pat. And more explanations. :3
