Jul 18, 2026
Everything in this story feels kinda... telegraphed. Sure, it's not like I can predict everything that is going to happen, but the way the dialogue is formatted (and the content itself) has that TV/cinematic feeling. I'm not saying it's bad, but it feels quite safe, kinda like something I'd see in a one-season-wonder on Netflix.
That being said, another TV-like quality of the writing is how visual and explanatory it is. I'm not sure if you have screenwriting experience (or velleities), but the amount of dialogue, as well as the way it's formatted and tagged make me feel like I'm reading something that wasn't meant to be a book, but rather an episode of something or a scene in a film. That, in and of itself, isn't wrong, but it's also not interesting. There aren't enough 'prose tricks' to draw my attention as a reader (not as an anime watcher). Which isn't to say that it's bad, so much that it's quite simple and almost utilitarian. It's functional, but not beautiful. Oftentimes, I like to pick apart chapters and pluck out a phrase or expression I think is particularly interesting or meaningful. Sadly, I couldn't do that for your book.
As for the story, it's fine. It hits all the beats it needs to in the aforementioned telegraphed fashion, but that isn't a flaw. Rather, I think it's the kind of story you turn to as a comfort during a lull.
