Jan 06, 2026
Whilst this is cute and all, I feel like the pace and structure here are holding back this beginning. We're going through everything so quickly that I feel like nothing has a chance to get established or have any staying power.
Who is Akira? The narrative tries to paint him as a sort of stickler, but we don't really have any indication for him other than some instant hindsight (he should do XYZ, but he doesn't.)
The vampires, all three of them seem to be quite unique, but we get very brief glances of them. Introducing them all at once is a choice that may work, but I feel like it's trying to do something that visual media does, which writing can't do the same way.
As for the narrative, it feels like there's no push-and-pull. Sure, there is tension, but this kind of thing works best when the perspective character actually has a reaction, then goes on to take action. Here, Akira feels like he's just... going with the flow.
Which is a shame, 'cause this Mayonaka punch kind of stuff is pretty near and dear to my heart. Kind of bummed to see it fall flat.
