Dec 09, 2025
Yay we’re back on the plot!! Looking forward to having this mystery unraveled 👀
I hope you won’t mind me saying this, but I think you use a lot of Tell in your work rather than Show. The narrator gives us a lot of background info that is also repeated again in most chapters, making it all very clear and understandable, but I feel like you could let us readers fill in a bit more with our imagination!
For example, Kazuya developing feelings for Inuko. Instead of writing “he had never felt this way about a woman before”, you could keep it to describing how he feels butterflies. Maybe his heart thumps louder in a different way from the grave situation.
(Italics) Inuko… I’m buying you icecream once this is over!
I’m really enjoying your story, so I think this would make it even better!