Aug 31, 2023
And finally, the line at the end of chapter 2 makes sense.
Before I say anything else, congrats on finishing. You posted 2/5 of the entire book's chapters in the last four days. I'm sure you had some written ahead of time, but that must have been one hell of a push. And I want to say that the quality didn't really suffer for it aside from a few small typos, so that's quite an achievement.
(Speaking of typos. I forgot to mention what I suspect are a couple missing words in chapter 34. "I slip a few high school students" and "That’s where I learned to say what I’ve saying". I didn't notice any other issues in any of the chapters that I haven't already pointed out.)
Thinking back on the book as a whole, I have some opinions, but right now, you should be celebrating what you got done. Regardless of what I, or anyone else, thinks, you wrote a very strong contest entry, so feel free to ignore my comments below, or come back to them later, or whatever, if you just want to bask in your success or be done with it for a while.
At one point, you mentioned that you don't have a lot of experience writing romance—I don't either—and I can see why you'd want to point that out. When the contest prompts dropped, I viewed the contemporary prompts as wanting stories *about* romance, not just stories where romance plays a big part. Something like Nozaki-kun, Kaguya-sama, Adachi and Shimamura, Kimagure Orange Road, Sweet Blue Flowers, or Mysterious Girlfriend X.
I could certainly be wrong about it. Vibrancy X Vibrancy is very romantic, but it's not immediately obvious early on, and a lot of the plot is concerned with non-romance plot. *I* think that's to its benefit, personally. It makes it a lot more interesting of a story, but I'm not sure if it's what romance readers are looking for. I guess we'll find out for sure when finalists are announced.
It did feel a tad though like the prompt had some undue influence on dad's last message. The idea that Shizuko needed to meet someone special in order to find herself, or more generally, that romantic love is what saves a person, is a common sentiment, but I feel it's a bit too limiting. Not trying to go full MRA or anything here, but I think there's lots of paths in life, and while everyone needs help from others, not everyone is broken without a traditional romantic relationship.
There is a kind of pattern plays out a couple times in the book, where the direction it's heading isn't really clear until it wraps around. There were a few arcs that, while I very much enjoyed reading them, at the start, I was wondering why the story was starting another arc, instead of going for a tighter narrative. After reading the whole thing, I can see what each arc contributes to the whole. I'm not saying this pattern is good or bad. If it's what you were going for, then you nailed it.
And on an even more personal level, I did chafe slightly against the message, but I am not a wholesome person, nor do I think the world is a great place. In many ways, it really does feel like we're living in the decline of humanity, and not just because I'm nostalgic. We've got real issues with the climate and with decreasing populations (now in some countries, soon in others), and we're not properly dealing with those issues. But hey, it's that's politics. My personal philosophy isn't completely incompatible with the message here, but I'd say it's less that the world is vibrant right now, but in the face of a ruined planet and a declining civilization, we have to strive to find the things that makes us happy. We have to create our own vibrancy, as it were.
So yeah, sorry for getting nitpicky and critical. I do think that, on the whole, this is a great story. But great stories are the ones that get you thinking about their themes and messages.
Congrats again on finishing, and best of luck!
