Apr 11, 2025
To:Bubbles
Yeah, reading it a few times over, I'm not sure what it is. Is it because the last thing before the line is Sayuri "tossing" (e.g. giving) Asami a smile? Maybe, but when I replace that line was something like "Smiles brightly", I still have the same problem. Maybe it's a me problem and I can't see past my initial confusion.
is it just because there's a solid paragraph splitting the sentence in half? If I combine the lines into just "Heh, in that case, how about I give you another one?" and move the middle paragraph to the end, it is clearer, but something still feels off.
I think maybe it's this idea of "giving" a reason. Like, yes, it's a real thing, as in, "I'll give you a reason to..." but I don't think people talk about it in the same way as giving a gift or similar. It's more abstract. So whenever I've encountered dialogue with this, it never uses the ambiguous one. Characters don't get upset and say, "Oh, you want a reason? I'll give you one." They say, "Oh, you want a reason? I'll give you a reason."
Then again, they absolutely do substitute it with a number when it's more than one.
It's probably not worth fretting out too much, but you did ask to be honest and forthcoming with feedback on this one, so you could either use it to improve the text or as rage fuel to push you to keep going.
