Jun 11, 2023
Well, you put a decent amount of effort into my chapter, so it's only right for me to respond in kind.
To start off with, I wanna point out a few grammar things, mainly tenses. There's a few times here where you use the wrong verb tense, and cut your already shaky flow in half and distract the reader. I'd use Grammarly to fix these if you don't already- it's grammar, everyone makes mistakes here.
Second for me comes to the prose itself. There's a lot of explaining here, not a lot of backing up these statements. You say he's tall, athletic-ish, whatever. We see no evidence of this other than him directly stating the facts. If he is supposed to be this six foot six giant, we as readers need to see how this affects his life and affects the story. Prose is also a bit stiff in places, but that's a practice writing in English and reading thing. Just read good things, find an author you like who writes well, and take inspiration imo.
Now onto characters, and well, ill wait and see. MC gives off a somewhat interesting vibe, hardcore geed college freshmen, and if that's what your going for, shoot I support that if you do it thematically correctly. But I'd watch to not make it fall into those tropes unironically in a wish fulfillmenty way.
Also please, listing college basketball heights in CM is an actual war crime. idc imperial metric whatever, but please I'm begging you use imperial for this
