Oct 12, 2023
It's a shame that the story ends the way it does with this dude just visiting his girlfriend's uncle out of the blue. You set up an interesting character with how willing he is to rationalize his actions like a real psychopath, jumping to the conclusions that he does (selfishly beneficial to the detriment of innocent bystanders).
That's why it's a shame that the uncle bit is there because it's so forced. He just shows up at the uncle's house and the dude lets him in? I feel like you could've furthered this by maybe making it the girlfriend's father. If the father and boyfriend already had a friendly relationship, not only would such a meeting make sense but it would make the boyfriend's instant thought of killing him at the mention of a will even more callous.
Good stuff in here but could do with another draft or two I feel.