Jul 31, 2021
To:fluffycow
I'm very grateful for the feedback, nothing helps me more than knowing how a reader might interpret what I'm writing compared to how I see it. An extra pair of eyes is indispensible. You're right about your criticism to do with the Ship of Theseus argument, and I still doubt it myself sometimes, but I'm keeping it for two reasons. One is that Beryl herself says that the heart is something you usually don't notice at all, but it becomes something you're extremely aware of being different once it's been replaced (especially when Anahata considers who the person once was dead after their heart is replaced). Second is a spoiler reason that I won't get into, so I hope it clears up later on when/if I can reach that part of the story by the deadline.
My descriptions do get quite messy at times, and I do have some rewrites planned for the first chapter once I get into later editing stages, so thank you for pointing out a specific example, I'll get around to that and clear it up.
If you have any more thoughts on the series, I'd love to hear them. I want to do my best to improve as much as I can, since this story is still so fresh.
