Oct 04, 2021
First of all congrats on being selected among the 10 semi-finalists of the Impossible Romance prompt, and by the looks of it you are going to move on to the finals as well ;)
Now, on to the chapter:
The fight between Lev and Pierce certainly did not disappoint. I kept waiting for Astri to intervene at any point but perhaps it was wise to have her take out the 20 anonymous guys 'off scene' and thus keep the Lev vs Pierce battle a pure duel.
You know how to write action sequences but -probably minor / technical complaint- while it was a smart idea to use high temperature to weaken the maze's magnetic moment no metal or metal alloy exists that can melt so easily and so fast with a road flare *and* be adequately magnetic at the same time (only indium and tin, or a tin indium alloy, could melt so easily and so fast but these are weakly diamagnetic; and the same applies to lead).
On the other hand I'm pointing out something that is going to be missed by ~99% of the readers, so perhaps your creative license was perfectly acceptable and I am just an incurable science geek ^.^
The unnecessary / redundant remarks of the previous chapter apply to this one as well, but they're less of an issue here, probably to the action. For instance the second sentence of that part:
"He leapt out of the way as the concrete exploded, showering him with stone shards. -->If thatโs what it did to concrete, Lev hated to imagine what it could do to flesh and bone.<--" could be reworded as "Lev gulped when he saw what was left of the pillar" or something similar.
The point is to leave the 'flesh and bone' stuff in the imagination of your readers instead of *telling* them what that maze could do to Lev - or them. It is more powerful that way. I point such stuff out because it's something I often do too and then I trim during editing; except this time I barely had time.. :/
Neat idea to name the mace Talos btw; an.. ฮตแฝฯฯฯฮฟฯฮท* ancient Greek mythology reference :)
That's all from me for this chapter. Good luck in the contest! ๐
p.s. I temporarily pause reading your novel to read the other 9 novels of the prompt. I have read a few chapters from about half of them but nothing from the others. I want to read 3 to 5 chapters at a minimum from everyone in this prompt before voting - or not voting.
I am not sure if we are allowed to say publicly if we voted for someone or not, so let's just say that your novel might or might not be my first vote ๐
*smart or witty in ancient Greek
