Sep 30, 2021
Quite a departure from the first chapter. Far less concise, quite more verbose, contemplative, remark-full and descriptive. While the exposition is still kept at reasonable levels it is markedly higher than your first chapter, so in comparison it seems high.
Some, but not all, of these descriptions were required, so that we get to know more about your world without skyrocketing the word count in the process, taking too long. The rest could have been 'shown' indirectly, e.g. via dialogues, rather than directly 'told'.
I think the most 'cluttery' part (to borrow Bubbles' term) of the chapter is Lev's repeated remarks and thoughts, many of which could have been trimmed, along with some redundant dialogue tags. Your POV is third omni, but often (in regards to Lev) it has a flair of first singular. However third omni is more impersonal, and thus needs (even) less remarks.
On the other hand, tipping the scales toward 'tell' and away from 'show' in this chapter had the positive outcome of learning more quickly about your world, moving the plot forward faster without needing to read two more chapters to learn about Metahumans, that Pierce is basically Magneto, that Astri uses some weird-ass tech(?) that give her Meta powers, that every Crown has a Meta and all that.
I suppose that is why you switched format in this chapter. 😉
You set up the stage well for the big fight between Pierce and Lev in the next chapter btw.
Lastly let me add one minor remark about this sentence, more an FYI than an editing tip : "His nose cracked and his face turned purple". Faces / eyes / noses / ribs etc do not turn purple within a couple of seconds after being hit; they require *quite* a bit of time 😊
