Nov 04, 2021
‘Great intro Medoni! I loved every single part of it! Gripping, exciting, thought provoking and suspenseful! And, above all, *very* well written!’ ---> dishonest flattery comment designed to draw you to my novel and raise my views and reacts; and, if some miracle occurs, leave a comment as well ☺️
Now let's move on to the real part of my comment.
Apart from your synopsis your first two paragraphs alone need to be rewritten; kind of like this :
“As the crimson Moon emerged from the clouds illuminating the depths of the wilderness, a guy with a white robe stained with a dark red liquid was nailing and fidgeting something on the ground.
His entire body was covered with wounds, and near him there was a sword pointing downward. As he was moving his right hand making a symbol, using the crimson colored liquid that was coming from his wounds —” ---> honest and constructive comment, written -as always- in good faith. Take your pick :)
As you can see apart from fixing your errors I also trimmed some redundant words (while also filling the verbs that were missing). Beside typos your most serious mistake is that your tenses are all over the place.
There are only two things you need to keep consistent when you narrate : points of view (first person, third omni or -rarely- second person narration) and grammatical tenses. Both can change during narration but only when there is a valid reason for them to change. As a general rule, with some exceptions, they need to stay consistent.
As for 'that -->?<-- been stain', 'wearing -->?<-- White robe', 'that -->?<--coming from his wounds' I do not think I need to comment on those, they speak for themselves.
That's all the feedback I can give you. Keep on writing -and reading- Medoni, and you will get better. But edit and polish what you write as well ☺️
Nice cover btw. I draw like a fifth grader, so I would never show my drawings in public or I might die of shame lol
