Dec 24, 2024
To:Bubbles
I have to admit I’ve been reading a lot more VNs than books lately. So that’s definitely got something to do with the medium aspect.
So now let’s dig in.
Lots and lots of the problems this books has so far involve the lack of setup. I regret starting the story with the ‘intersection’ chapter, because having to go right into the action/mystery, I lost time to actually give the characters depth. All of them are very unique in my mind, but I agree that I haven’t portrayed that well. Self-indulgent is a fair statement.
As I said, because of the minuscule introduction, I wasn’t at all able to showcase her goals and motivations as a character, which does upset me to some extent. On a rewrite I would absolutely put more emphasis on that. I’ve been trying to compensate recently by giving her more character in the later chapters, but you’re right in that it’s plot-first.
Now for the mystery comment, I’m not going to give that one up as easily. It’s supposed to feel incongruous—that’s actually a really important part of the story that builds up and grows into the twist near the end of Act I. I promise I have the whole mystery planned out, despite the writing thus far not giving you that vibe. (You can ask Blip if you want. This story goes deep.)
Genuinely about the prose thing—whoops. Medium mismatch is exactly what you’d call this. My bad :(
Much as a ‘Hater comment (tm)’ you may call it, I view it as valid criticism. Especially as I’m writing Act II, I’ll be taking your advice where I can. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll be reading a few more actual books. :)
-Kimbrough
