Nov 11, 2024
I see you’ve also been writing for around ten years—that’s really cool! I have a few comments about this chapter for you:
+ The philosophical question at the heart of this novel is really thought-provoking. Very John Locke, very social contract-y—how much freedom are you willing to give up for order? I enjoy pondering it, and I like the way you presented it.
- The biggest issue for me came down to environmental description. I had no idea where to place these characters in my mind, nor what they looked like. Being an anime fan, you no doubt imagine these characters in your mind; it’s a very common problem to forget to convey those details to your reader. Being an artist, I especially understand this struggle. :)
+ I’m excited for the mystery you’ve set up with this very heady antagonist (or at least, I assume antagonist). My most immediate questions are how the criminals are brought here, what the criteria were for selecting these children, and why they had to be teenagers instead of adults. Lots of avenues to pursue!
- I was a bit disappointed by your show of Xess and Eva’s personalities, or rather, how undefined they seemed. Both characters went back and forth between moods and conversational roles on a whim, and by the end of the first chapter, I still couldn’t tell you any significant character traits for either of them apart from Xess’s weird murder excitement at the end there. Especially for characters without memory, you need to set up some kind of an identity quickly, or they’ll fade into the background.
That’s pretty much all I have. I’ll read a chapter of The Beast Inside for every chapter you read of Parallel in Two, if you think that’s a fair deal. Don’t go and binge-read Parallel, though—like you said in your author’s note, I want to savor this novel.
That’s all, see ya. :)
![The Beast Inside [cover]](https://honeyfeed-novel-images.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/novel_image/file/15615/cover_thumb_77ce1eed-6a99-4cf9-809b-03a4ce732f14.jpg)