Jan 01, 2025
Hi! I saw your Hotwired! fanart and loved your art style, so I wanted to see what your writing was all about. (I’m an author-artist, too.)
Most of my comments echo Lolitroy’s to the tee, especially with the tense usage and POV switching. I’m also noticing you use a writing technique I’ve done a lot myself—you imagine the scene as a drawing and then describe it!
To elaborate, you continued to describe the scene as monochrome with only brief flashes of color. It set the tone very well and gave me a visual identity for this scene. Then, I looked at the artwork you drew for it, and it was exactly as I’d imagined! (Also, amazing art, had an audible reaction to it. ‘Goddamn!’)
One thing I think you could improve on outside of everything else that’s been mentioned is your descriptions for the other senses. I know what it looks like, and I sort of know what it sounds like—but what does it feel like? What does it smell like? Can the main character taste his own blood? Use more than just the easy descriptors to fully immerse your reader in the scene.
That’s all. Good day to you!
-Kimbrough
![Parallel in Two [Saga Cover]](https://honeyfeed-novel-images.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/novel_image/file/19959/cover_thumb_b4b8f013-ea32-4c39-83f9-8361adc49b89.jpeg)
